Tonight it Burned. I wanted more.

Thoughts flowing endlessly, making me crave your pressence all the time. 

Music playing, keeping me safely at bay from something crazy. Words making my head spin, voices I wish were yours creeping under my skin. Hearts beating faster, as my blood races. Reaching the chorus, heart full speed, mind blazing along the walkway its paved.  

Poems of my past, words of the present, present past, words of hope, or love.  My words seeping down where they fall into the ground. I feel insane, like running is what will make me slow down my body.  I can't get up just yet, wait till the worlds asleep, then make a plan to disappear.  My words or feelings making me feel more, our conversations sinking in, showing how I feel, or how I've felt for you. 

I wonder where the faltering will begin, or when I'll lose all I've gained. Images I've dreamed of, nothing magical, or unrealistic, unless having you in my arms, as I'm in yours, can only be a dream so prolonged to come and overwhelm me. My mind aching to be given a medicine so powerful to stop this feeling, give me something to cool my fire, to brush my lips cold, but not my touch. 

I can imagine, maybe just remember what I've done. Lips lingering against the air infront of me. Slowing my step, almost skipping in a jog. Watching the moments where having you with me would be perfect, fly away, too no longer exsist.  So many songs, so little words I've found to get any emotion down, any thoughts spoken aloud. 

I don't feel so safe anymore, like I've been sheared and cut open, showing my entrails, my beating, speeding, racing burning, heart. No tears falling the way I used to want. No pain touching my skin, as I wake each morning. Exploding into an epiphany of hurendous thoughts and feelings that I haven't figured out, or thoughten through deeply enough. Is this all on a limb, watching as I sink into my own self deprivation? Depriving my eyes of the scars I used to crave to have, to want to know where I've been to deseve what I cause myself. 

I can feel a body, pressed against mine, creating a pressure in my gut, making me tie my fingers in my hair, gently pulling. Arching my back, closing my eyes, as your face creeps closer, making my eyes sparkle. I feel angry, but hurt that you aren't here to watch me race, along my pain, this beatuiful thing I'm holding onto, like a clear glass of sand, falling down between. Eyes watering like somethings hurting me below, but I'm not crying, I'm not angered, I'm happily feisty, and enthralled. I'm craving how I feel, as the words won't stay, or match with the next, and by now its slipping through my grasp, making me do things I never wanted possible, to come into my mind. 

The page is filling up, my heart not slowing, but maybe none of this is making sense anymore. Self depricating myself, in my minds eyes, as the blue sea before my mind, washes up to my ankles, pulling me under, as I'm hoping to find a pair of arms, to enfold me while I die. 

Kill me quickly, love me hatefully, or pull me under the water to eloquent my words I've screamed to habor my mind. Don't fake a smile to my face, or speak kind words of care after I've left the moment. Don't smirk my way, or lust after a simple lie put on to make you crave. Decieve my eyes, so I can lie to my existence, making it believe there was a point in going the turn I did, when I was supposed to go left, or straight.

Let me alone, let me harbor in this feeling of thoughts I began by reading things we've spoken of together. Everyone holding back words, or throwing away the thoughts that I'm still here, waiting for a voice. 

Let me have you, let me hear you, don't pull me under and begin your eloqenting of your lies that you've told myself, to my face. Have you ever been truthful in the things you've said to me, or am I wrong to believe every written word of yours? Do I stand where my heart can live in silence, unheard, unfelt, as your fingers caress down my cheeks, fingers tracing my lips to feel how heatedly I want to pull you closer to my body. Pressing against my side, my waist, my thighs. Pulling me closer, as I'm drowing in my mind, eyes clouded over, drinking in your form. Tanned skin, while your eyes are gentle, unlying, loving, wanting my being. Light wavy hair, as mine is mangy, and messy. Tangible, unbroken. Fingers burning as they slide between yours. Eyes unable to close, seeing you next to me, only to wake up finding nothing but a feather stuffed pillow, and the nights dreams to keep me lonely. 

Toss me in the sea, let me drown unmagnificently, with a fire around my body. Let me kiss your lips as I'm underlaying my course too trip to my fault.  Don't show me how a word can set me off, get me high. Turn your insignificant saunter to a doorway with no floor to step onto, as you take a step through. 

  Miss the stars I used to see, as I'd lay beneath the moon quiet light. Holding my arms behind my head, my lips in a gentle stare, as my mind slowly walks through rooms, unused, with broken doors, or locked windows. To a time where smiling was a lie above what I was. Hurting was what was real. Watching the blood hit the walls, the carpet seemd bleeding, like the house was dying with us in its body.

Any of this can be the me, that every points out. I love, they say hate, and I fall, as they see me standing there. Maybe I'll fall beneath the ocean, give into your touch as all my past words for this silly poem are mashed and messed. Let me have my love.

I want to have that love, where you walk through a dark alley, feeling scared, unprotected, and raw. Where my fingers trace your face, my eyes curving along your body, until I reach your face. Heart racing as I step closer to you, body heat searing. Mind can't see a thing with you in the way, while I'm drugged up on your scent. Caress my cheek, and pull me under, as I'm dying to get inside.

Let me alone, let me breathe, as my mind is too far gone to take back what I've done. Let me be alone until the night is permantent.

Let this be my final word I speak as I so long to whisper your name.

I love you.~~