Mourning....

Every time I think of that night,

About that terrible fight,

A terrible sadness wells up inside,

one that I can't hide.

It wracks my brain, to wrap around,

to understand what was once so sound,

Now is gone, turned to dust,

And why hearts, once so full, are now broken and bust.

What really happened, no one really knows.

But now I reminisce silently, looking out at the cold winter snows.

The day fast approaches, of the five year mark,

The anniversary of that day, the day we found one another in a world so stark.

I don't know what to do, I'm at a loss,

My heart has grown cold, and is dusty and locked in a box.

I've been told over and over, I know,

I should just let you go,

But I can't, though I'm not sure why...

Maybe it's that look you always had in your eye,

Or perhaps, I can't shake your smile.

Or, was it how, when I held you, you'd relax and lay awhile?

Could it be how innocently you kissed,

With such soft, full lips?

Your hair, so beautiful and long,

God, the smell so strong.

Your slender curves, your graceful walk,

The confidence you held when you talked.

The bravery you showed, asking that first dance,

Perhaps, it was that stubborn, defiant stance?

How you trusted me with all your hopes, secrets and fears?

The way you would come to me to cry, and I'd gently wipe away all your tears...

The way you would look at me, while I held you to my chest,

And how I would lay my head on your chest, simply to hear your heart beating within your breast?

Possibly because you weren't afraid to tell me "No,"

And if I upset you, you would simply tell me so.

The way you were there when I needed support,

How you'd tell it to me straight, not twist and contort.

There are simply so many things I could say,

But I can't tell you exactly how I feel, words themselves get in the way.

I guess I'm still saying what I've been saying all along,

I miss you, and I'm still hurting 'cause you're gone.

I still lay awake night after night,

Wondering, what exactly made us fight.

Was it me, was it you?

Maybe our love just wasn't true?

Were we too far apart,

Or did someone else come along and steal away your heart?

I guess I'll never know for a fact.

These are the unanswered questions with which my mind is packed.

Because of you, many hopes in my heart have been born.

That's why I'm laying here writing about you so early in the morn.

I want you back,

My mind's stuck in that track,

I'll never give up hope,

I'm holding tightly to this rope,

The one that says you'll be in my arms again,

once again, that I can meet my bestest friend.

You know it's odd, it's like I'm here in the wild,

Out in the mountains, feeling like a lost little child...

You're farther away than ever,

Yet distance, mountains and weather still can't sever,

My trail of thoughts leading back to you.

Today, I saw the sun rise over the trees, a beautiful view.

My first thought was that I wished that you were here,

And for the first time in awhile, I felt a little tear,

But before it was seen, I quickly wiped it away,

And I continued on with my day.

All your little quirks and trends...

God... I miss you my friend.

Preston K. Bullard (c) 2008