under the rock

of all things i overcome
i stumble constantly over the same stones
fumbling and tumbling down the cliffs
and always seeming to be leading myself in circles
around and round i keep on moving
afraid that if i stop
everything will be a reason for no meaning
i am only one
and only one i am who i am
i trust no one
but why?
why do i expect so much from everyone?
and why?
does everyone expect so little of me?
i cannot surely be free
the speed i live on is constant
and each step is harder to breathe on
as each breath is harder to let go of

he leaves me hanging
she leaves me hopeless
he leaves me in dust
she leaves me full of guilt
he leaves me ...
she leaves me ...
i am alone
alone again
all alone just like before

friends are never constant
lovers can never use "ever"
forever and ever and ever
this cycle of relationships
we are fooled to believe
we are used to believe
and though we keep on trying
all is always constantly lost
in ourselves
in those we find
those we trust
those we honor
those who cut us deeper than any other
but those are never the deepest
YOU cut yourself deeper than any deepest cut
we only destroy ourselves in the end
when we discover we are at fault
when we figure out why we say such meaningless things
hurtfelt words and mistrustful deeds
we only can hurt ourself
for we feel only what we feel

they throw me away
their eyes gleaming in anger
they thrust me into a street
their hands stained with my sins
they ignore my explainations
their hearts ablazed in pain
is it really me?
is it all of us?
i've run out of third chances
and every moment is lost
when i turn my back
and everyone sees only an invisible cloak
dusk on dark waters
no fishes swim here
i am the abyss in the darkness of the cold lake

burdened under my faults and claims
i lay deep within my own self
underneath this heavy rock
made heavier by those who leave me all over again


(((i'm not sure how it'll end,,, but if u feel in somewhat way and atleast try to understand this poem... i'm sure there really is never an ending.... and so ... even if it's been getting harder to breathe and walk and move on... it's only natural to do what u have to do to go on... fix it or not.... some questions are never to be answered, but it doesn't mean u can't try to ask anyways.... and there are times when u "lose one to gain one",,, it might be that u are never meant to gain at all... because u really never lost first off... it just takes some time and space... and who knows? things will get back into the cycle... )))