The What Ifs

I cried today.

Cried today because you went away.

Why did it happen this way?

My mind cluttered with guilt.

You drove that path not knowing the darkness that rounded the corner.

Surely if you had you would have stayed,

From the church the others came,

To meet their God who now some blame.

Metal upon metal the sound deafening.

Life fleeting in that moment.

Other life hanging on.

Your son they had to cut out and fly away

To the hospital they rushed so he could see another day.

You were so beautiful

Your soul had touched so many

Help me understand the reason behind your leaving.

We were supposed to get together,

Our children supposed to be laughing.

Why oh why did you go?

My decision based on what I do not know.

Getting together we did not.

Now My mind turns slow.

I should have called you and said ok,

Let our children run and play.

At the last minute you decided to go .

You wanted to visit family.

Now your family will visit you ,

Within that coffin your earthly state does lay.

Why oh why did you have to go away?

The what ifs are running through my mind.

What if we got together,

What if we had dinner,

What if you stayed over,

What if you did not go?

A master plan I can not control decided to take over,

A puppet I was in the way I was led.

Sad now I lay in bed.

Tear roll down my cheeks for you,

Out of the wreckage your soul flew.

To the heavens I know .

That is where you belong.

Please set my soul at ease.

Allow me my peace.

Take these what ifs out of my head.

Allow no more tears because you are dead.

***This was written for a friend of mine. We were supposed to get together this weekend to let our children play and I decided my kids needed to lay down and rest. At that moment she decided to go visit her family in another state. She was in a head on collision and died. Her little boy is in stable condition in the intensive care unit. I feel incredibly guilty although I know there was nothing I could do.***