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Created:
08/20 2009
Views:
38
Category:
Passion
My Poems
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26
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To the Beginning |
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17
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Becoming a one |
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15
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Wherever you go |
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17
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Who is that man |
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20
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Who will I become? |
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23
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Don't let go |
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26
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Looking back |
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21
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Killer at heart |
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19
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Tucked away |
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17
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Unfortunate addiction |
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15
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Reality Show |
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17
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Secrets of Beneath |
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29
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Sour sweet taste |
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16
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Keyless |
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20
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Free Hugs |
The territory I own
The territory I own
Entitled with skin
Engraved with parts
Used for my inventory
Lines surrounding
Alerted only
When the predators approach
It sends them in a gaze the other way
Night and days
My territory suffers from the need
Of being provided with luxuries
That only happens on rare occasions
Neglected of neighbors
And the warmth of their glow
Inspiration of soul
Is at its top strength
The inspiration of feed isn't from me
Instead in the hands of another owner
Miles away from me
Not a penny spent
Of the luxurious feed
The territory I own
Is in a state of peace
My provision
Can be weak
My territory relies on me
I rely on the owner's feed
To give my territory
What I need.
Please Login to post comments| On August 20th 2009 lisaljb Said: |
| Thank you Jake!
I've debated with a coulple of the lines you said before posting but I don't want it any other way. Because what may seem to be dull to you holds a special meaning for me. :) I thank you for the critic. It's always helpful! |
| On August 20th 2009 ThruOnesEyes Said: |
| It's like she doesn't write for 3-4 months then WHAM bullet after bullet of thought-stopping poetry in such lyrical imagery needing to be spoken to feel the soul intent of such powerful words in thin-line bordering complexity of fludity. The only thing I can critique on is the dullity of some lines "Engrave with parts Alerted only Night and days Is at its top strength Miles away from me Lines surrounding" versus some strong meanings "Neglected of neibhbours The territory I own Is in a state of peace My provision Used for my Inventory Entitled with skin When The predators Approach" etc., but overall, goddamn Lisa, it's good to know you're on a fluid-rush of a waving roll :) |
