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My first try with this style. check it..

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Created: 07/13 2007
Views: 712
Category: Pain

My Poems

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Death

Repairing the holes in ones fallen dreams,

Holding the ropes that once held the keys,

Kissing your lover in hopes to get more,

Holding the door to the enemies of before,

How to get through when the world seems too big,

The room spins around but no one sees where you’ve been,

The air thins out and soon there’s none left,

You’re gasping as you try to take your last breath,

Your vision doesn’t last as long as you’d thought,

Soon you’ll be dead, your lesson not taught,

Keep your head high as you say your last bye,

Fall to the ground though you still seem to fly,

And suddenly it’s gone,

Your enemies, your friends,

The ones you held tight,

All of them taken away with the night.

 

Author's Note: Please tell me what you think, give advice. It's my first try with this style of writing... So yeah... rate please.. .thanks! 

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On January 12th 2008 TheDragonwitch Said: 
TheDragonwitch I like the flow and the chain of thought. Very nice
On October 19th 2007 miseryLOVESme Said: 
miseryLOVESme I really like this poem, **AWESOME** for you're first try at the style ;P
On October 16th 2007 melbell101 Said: 
melbell101 this is very good
On July 15th 2007 jwoody1980 Said: 
jwoody1980 the poem is really good. very deep thoughts put into it. read some of mine and let me know what you think
On July 15th 2007 Byrnesrebel Said: 
Byrnesrebel this is cool
On July 15th 2007 emily28793 Said: 
emily28793 awsum poem u have sum real talent
On July 14th 2007 Carcer Said: 
Carcer well its an interesting Rhyming structure....i got ABCCDEFFGGHHIJKK lol. Well worded as well =]
On July 14th 2007 guffa78 Said: 
guffa78 greatness as always
On July 14th 2007 mrskritter Said: 
mrskritter nice work
On July 13th 2007 bossy14183 Said: 
bossy14183 nice..i like it..it all rhymes...nice
On July 13th 2007 ivy81 Said: 
ivy81 whats the stlye called?
On July 13th 2007 swiver Said: 
swiver wow.. ur really good! keep writing!!! you could get somewhere with it!!! lol
On July 13th 2007 rosiecheeks123 Said: 
rosiecheeks123 nicely done. and all in all i think ur very talented. in more ways than one. you're a great poet, that really bad day joke was hilareous, ur drawings are pretty good. and i like ur style in poety. please check out my latest poem "on a chain..." thanks
On July 13th 2007 Jeremy062902 Said: 
Jeremy062902 Nicely done. If this is your first attempt at Iambic Pentameter I look forward to seeing others. You held the masculine tense well, which isn't always necessary but it worked well on this. It flowed really well. I personally liked how you closed it. You held the rhythymn and closed strong. Well written!
On July 13th 2007 candicebob Said: 
candicebob i think it should've ended 'now come to an end' or alike, insteada 'all of them taken away with the night'. but overall i liked it.
On July 13th 2007 Javellef Said: 
Javellef Excellent first try! Your flow, your rhyme, your message all hit the mark for being a great poem. I love your work on this style of poetry.
On July 13th 2007 JWalker2406 Said: 
JWalker2406 It's really good, but I think instead of saying "you say your last bye" that it would sound better with "you say your last goodbye", but either way I like it :):)
On July 13th 2007 inlovewithc17 Said: 
inlovewithc17 ok well ive made up my mind your amazing at everything you do lol your awsome its just as good as the other style you do so all i have to say is either pick which one you like to do more.....or just write both styles i seriously have no addvice its awsome love it!!!!!!!!!!