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In: News
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557
Created: 10/22 06:49 am
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3 Years Ago Almost To The Hour
When my grandmother the Panama native Dolores Evangeline Taitt Williams passed away.
I went to sleep that morning about 4:30 am and after 8 am my uncle woke us up saying I think she's gone! My mom and I woke up. We ran to her hospice bed. She must have just recently passed. No rigor. Still warm. But lifeless. Nothing in the world like it.
I tell you. movies never get it right. when someone passes on it does not look how hollywood makes it out to be. I grabed her hand hoping to have her grip back in reflex. nothing. You know even when you hold someones hand and they are asleep it has a different feel. There was no life in her hand. I gently rocked the bed yelling in her good ear to wake up. Logically I knew she was gone but part of me was hoping i was wrong. God I needed to be wrong. Why wouldnt she wake up? Why wouldnt she just prove me wrong?
The odd thing was I cried more when I was at the hospital and the doc told us she had 30 days and 60 at most. I went to see her and she was lively and wanting to go home and I just lost it. I haven't shed tears like that since i was very young. I kept my sunglasses on and i repressed my urge to bawl out. but the tears just flowed.
I remember being angry at the doctors for their not wanting to operate on her pancreas for they didnt feel she would survive. I wanted a second opinion. even though they found it had metastasized and she had a tumor in her lung as well. I knew she was a fighter. The most stubborn woman I've ever known. She fought back from a diabetic coma where her blood sugar was reported at 2000. *due to her diabetes and pancreatic cancer* she came back from that when the doctors said they've seen people die with levels at half that.
74 years of age is too young. I pushed hard to learn spanish so I could speak it with her. I wanted to have her hold my grandchild if I ever had one. In the years since she passed I dreamed more about her than when she was alive.
We clashed lots of times due to a generation gap and other things but I loved her so much. I still love her. I wish she was here to see my art. To see my poetry. To see the first black president regardless of his performance. So much. So much. So much she needed to be a part of...........
I love you and miss you Abuela.
I'm not posting this for points but felt like sharing with those who felt like reading.
If any one here whether I like you or know u or not, if you would like to speak on your feelings for a departed Loved one please message my inbox and when I wake up I shall post it here. If you wish to remain anonymous I can do that as well.
Your choice.
That is all.
Again I love you 'Buela
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