Before it's too late

For almost 4 years, all I've ever wanted was Jake. Since the first time I met him, I knew he'd be hard to forget. I loved everything about him. I loved that he was a big tough athlete and the football star. I loved his laugh and his smile. And how it felt when he hugged me. The way he could make me laugh when I was about to cry was so comforting. He was my best friend.

But all this time that I'm loving the things he does, we were only friends. He didn't know that secretly, I wanted more and I planned to never tell him. But i always thought "what if I never tell him but secretly, he wants me too?" We could be missing out of a great thing. But I knew that there was no way that I could tell him without ruining our friendship.

So for 4 years, I sat around and watched him have girlfriend after girlfriend and wondering why I couldnt be one of them because I knew that we could last a long time unlike these other girls. We just had something, theres no way to explain it. With every girlfriend came the advice talks. When something went wrong, I was there for him to talk to and get advice from. And it killed me all the time because all I wanted to do was tell him to break up with them. Instead, I was a good friend and gave him the type of advice he would have given me because I knew he was counting on it.

Our Freshman year of high school, Jake found this girl he really liked but she was only in 8th grade so he wouldnt see her often because our 8th grade is at a seperate building. He decided to wait until she was a Freshman and he would be a Sophomore. But, one day he changed his mind. He came to me and asked me if he should just ask her out now because he liked her so much. I knew that this girl meant so much to him so I tried to be happy for him and I told him to go for it. Behind my smile however, I was dying and I wanted to scream "Can't you see, the girl that really loves you is right here!!!!" But I couldn't.

I decided that since Jake was so happy, I should be too. There was a boy that liked me so I gave him a chance even though I still thought of Jake often. He still came to me for advice and it still killed me. I wanted to be his girl so bad. I love my boyfriend but I really love Jake and maybe one day, I will get the courage to tell him before it's too late...