Hall Pass{Ep9} Aiming For A Show

(SCHOOL)

(Period 1)

Mrs. Hofferman: Ok, sense we aren’t going to read the story; I have no idea what we are going to do. I can’t like throw a party because you people need to learn.

 Steve: (Stands up) What do you mean, “You people”?

Mrs. Hofferman: Steve, sit down.

George: We could do a test.

Mrs. Hofferman: On what? You guys haven’t even learned anything.

Sarah: How about we do a test relating to last year?

Mrs. Hofferman: I guess. I think I have a 50 word vocabulary test for 10^th grade. Oh, here it is. (Passes them out)

(About 19 minutes later)

Zach: (Whispers) Dude, Mike?

Mike: (Sleeping)

Zach: Dude, Mike?

Mike: (Snores)

Zach: Mike?

Mike: (Snores)

Zach: Mike!

Mike: What?

Zach: Dude...

Mike: Shut the hell up.

Zach: You have to do the test.

Mike: Why?

Zach: Because, it’s a test and the teacher told us to.

Mike: Like I give a flying fuck? Who cares if I get a detention? Like I am going to learn something from it.

Zach: Fine but….

Mike: Calm down.

Zach: I’m not yelling you dumbass, but Mrs. Hofferman keeps eyeing me.

Mike: That’s because you did it with her.

Zach: Hey, I thought you don’t use the term “Do it with” When it relates to sex?

Mike: I said “Did” moron. Beside, she must have a thing for you.

Zach: Oh my god. That is disgusting. She doesn’t have a dick.

Mike: Yeah Zach, You hit that in the ball park. Dip shit.

Zach: I hate the way she is looking at me.

Mike: (yawning) Who cares?

Zach: Damn, why are so tired?

Mike: My mom and dad kept me up.

Zach: They were getting it on?

Mike: No they were watching cops.

Zach: (Shakes head) Oh….right.

(FLASHBACK)

Mike’s Mom: Oh yeah.

Mike’s Dad: God damn.

Mike’s Mom: That must be hard.

Mike’s Dad: Holy shit that is it right there. Right in the ball park.

Mike: Mom, dad, shut the fuck up! It is 1 o clock in the fucking morning. You know, I have school tomorrow

Mike’s Mom: Ok sweetie.

Zach: Wow, disturbing.

Mike: I know.

Zach: The way you were describing that, it sounded like they were having sex.

Mike: Cops gets them excited.

Zach: Mhm.

(Lunch)

Adam: I am fucking tired.

Eric: Why?

Adam: Co…

Mike: Cops.

Adam: Yeah, how’d you know?

Mike: My parents were watching it.

Adam: Same here. Why do they get so excited when they watch it?

Mike: I wonder the same fucking thing Adam.

David: Dude you should have seen the episode last night though.

Steve: Why? What happened?

David: A dude who had like long gray hair shit his pants.

Chris: For real?

David: Yeah. It was fucking hilarious.

Eric: Ha ha ha ha.

Steve: I bet the cops had to have sex with the seat after that dude.

(All the guys look at him)

Zach: Why in the hell would they have sex with it? Don’t you mean clean it retard?

Steve: No.

David: How very Unnecessary.

Mike: Anyways guys, why are we talking about cops for?

Adam: Sense when the fuck were we talking about cops?

Mike: We just were.

Adam: Oh yeah.

Mike: Let’s talk about girlfriends. David, who are you going out with?

David: No one.

Mike: Zach?

Zach: I’m going out with Tiffany, remember?

Mike: Oh yeah. Eric?

Eric: Rachel.

Mike: Chris?

Chris: Morgan.

Mike: Adam?

Adam: Lisa.

Mike: Steve?

Steve: Oprah.

Mike: Ok, so then…What?

Steve: What?

Mike: Did you say you were going out with Oprah?

Steve: No, I am going out with Sarah.

Mike: You are?

Steve: Yeah.

Mike: David, you are the only one here who is single.

Eric: Yeah you faggot.

David: Well guess what?

Eric: Yeah?

David: You the faggot because I went out with Rachel before you.

Zach: No you didn’t

David: Then who did?

Zach: Uh, I did.

David: Well I went out with her before you then.

Mike: No, I did.

David: God fucking damn it. Let’s just say, I did go out with her before.

Mike: Ok Dave.

Eric: You’re just a faggot David.

David: You are.

Eric: You want to fight?

David: Yeah, where and when?

Eric: Today at the Mitchell park basketball quart.

David: Ok.

Zach: You guys are going to fight over something this fucking stupid?

Eric: Yep. You mess with a home dog; you get your ass beat.

David: You ain’t going no where near my ass you petafile.

(Mitchell Park)

Adam: Ok guys, here are the rules. No low blows no...

David: What the fuck is a low blow?

Adam: (Hits him in the balls) That is a low blow.

David: Thank you. You’re so kind.

Adam: No eye gouging, no hair pulling and no kissing. I just ate chilly. Ok, win by first blood. Ok, fight.

David: (Taunts) Look at me mother fucker. (Skips) Do do do mother fucker. Can’t touch this shit. Yeah that’s right. Look at me you bitch. You aren’t going to tough my ass you little bitch. You about to get beat down by a fucker. Come on little home boy.

Eric: (Punches him in the face)

David: Ow you mother fucker that hurt.

Mike: Oh, he’s bleeding.

Zach: Wait.

David: (Kicks in the face) What now mother fucker. I’m the lightning you bitch.

Chris: Holy shit, that was like a mixed martial arts move dude.

Eric: (Gets up) (Punches but misses)

David: (Grabs Eric’s arm and breaks it)

Adam: Oh fuck.

Eric: Ahhhh! My fucking arm is broken.

David: That’s what you get you stupid little bitch.

(Later that day)

(David’s House)

(Phone rings)

David’s Mom: Hello?

Cop: Hello, is this Laura Smith?

David’s Mom: Yeah, why?

Cop: David was in a fight earlier your son got in a fight with Eric Christopher and David broke his arm and Eric is in the hospital. Eric’s parents are pressing charges. So David is going to a juvenile school.

David’s Mom: (Drops the phone)

(David’s bedroom)

David: What mom? Can’t you see I am watching cops?

David’s Mom: What the hell did you do earlier?

David: Nothing.