Restraints [Chapter 1]

Days seem to drag by without you noticing them go. You wake up, you do stuff, you go back to sleep. I wake up, look at my clock, and go back to sleep. Thats all I've been doing for three months straight just trying to sleep and not wake up, ever again. It isn't working very well. The nights are lonely and hollow like nothing has its own meaning anymore, its all just a blur of nothingness held up together, tied, restrained.
      I cant even look forward. I cant look backward either. Side to side only. When will I be able to keep going? I don't know. Someone has to save me, eventually someone will. I just have to wait in this nothingness of black for someone to find me. The real me not the outer shell not the guy that just sits there in class and doesn't respond to a direct question.
       To find me you have to look deep, really really deep. Im in there somewhere behind all the broken dreams and memories there's me but Im scared to crawl out. I will crawl away from you instead down into myself so one day you wont be able to find me, never again. One day I just wont open my eyes to anything not even to try which is what she would want me to do.
        Broken dreams that will never come true. Thrashing bodies over and over again blinded by sights not seen. Blood spilled and forgot about. Maybe its just me. James Cristophen Haylen that need to change maybe if I try the dreams will vanish, disappear. I've tried that. My friends have tried that. Im all alone.
        Pitch Blackness until someone calls my name.
         Someone did one day but I refused to open my eyes, there was no point. The cold hit my face but my eyes didn't open.
       "Is he dead?" someone asked but the voice was nothing only a dream a soft dream that would go away. It did go away the voice and then another one came again but louder.
       "James!" Not today, not tomorrow, I wasn't ready yet. "James." No voices. Crawl back, deep down where no one can save you.
        "Yeah. He's deffinetly dead doc." Said that voice again.
        "Oh shut up for a second will you. He's just asleep." said the strict voice. A soft touch pushed harder on my shoulder pain shooting through me. My eyes pop open. "Enough is enough." says the doctor standing before me. "enough is enough."
         Curiosity pushes over the drowsiness clouding my brain and I look around. Days of sleep medication taken in one night over and over again when ever I would wake up. Pop, pop, pop; in they go one by one. The small bottle on the nightstand sits lonely full as I reach for it. A fast hand reaches for it but I'm not so slow and I grab it first. The doctor turns to the side and I catch a glimpse of a small boy maybe only fourteen or fifteen. Short with brown hair covering his brown eyes, so simple so pure having done nothing in life, nothing at all.
         "Are you just going to let him take those?" asks the boy and the doctor nods grabbing ahold of the boys shoulder and pushing him towards the door. I pop open the lid slowly shaking a couple out and looking at them leave. "Why?" the boys voice drifts from the hallway and in go the pills swallowed slowly with gulps of water from a bottle brought in here days again.
         "Because I cant do a damn thing about it." says the strange doctor.
        My eyes drift, closing.
          Blackness once more.