Hitler At Large

segment 1

Starts in Hell. Hitler’s head attached to a bird’s body.  He is flying around a neighborhood in Hell,

“IM HITLER BIRD! IM HITLER BIRD! EVERYBODY RUNS, ‘CAUSE IM THE HITLER BIRD!”

Speeding down upon the citizens of Hell, as they flee in fear. Flying low, flying high, chasing at people not for hurt, just for fun. Racing in and out of white-picket fences, flying through the apple trees, messin’ with people. People taking butterfly nets in attempt to catch him. Hitler bird dodges the nets,

“CAN’T CATCH ME! I AM THE HITLER BIRD! NOBODY CATCHES THE HITLER BIRD!”

A man throws down his butterfly net in despair, “Hitler, I swear, you-are-SUCH a turd!”

Hitler flies past him without his knowing startling him. Man not far off comments, while trying to catch Hitler bird, “Who knew having Hitler down here would be such a downer?”

Another man eyeing the Hitler bird pounces upon him, but misses,

“Not Hitler, he is Hitler bird!”

Hitler Bird laughs at there poor attempts in catching him,

“Hitler Bird through and through! Hitler Bird, how about you!?”

Everyone gets angrier by the second, ready to explode. A man walks outta his house with a rifle, “Let’s just shoot the little fart knocker!”

Hitler laughs at him,

“No guns allowed in Hell! I’ll tell if you shoot!”

The man fires a warning shot, Hitler Bird flies off, “Hitler Bird flies away!”

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segment 2

Later, at the basement living quarters of Hitler Bird and Scientist, Joshua the Scientist is sitting at desk, workin’ on project. He hears a knocking.

He opens the door to see the Hitler Bird.

“You’re a bird again?”, Joshua asks.

“Not just any bird, A BLUE BIRD!”

“UGH! I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THE BIRD MACHINE!”

“Can’t tell the Hitler Bird what to do!”

Joshua snatches him,

“That’s it, your going back to being an Octopus!”

“OCTOPUS HITLER BIRD!!!!?”

Joshua gets frustrated, “No! JUST a regular little octopus.”

Hitler whines, “I don’t wanna be a Hitler Octopus!”

“better than being a Hitler Iguana!”

Hitler pouts, “ALRIGHT! If it’s octopus status you want, fine by me. PUT ME IN OCTOPUS STATUS!”

JOSHUA PLACES Hitler in the Octopus machine, “For your own good.”, Joshy adds.

Hitler snarls, “One day, Im gonna be an Octopus Hitler Bird…  A GIANT ONE! Then you’ll pay.”

“whatever you say, whatever you say,” Joshua shuts the Octopus machine door shut, begins punching in and calculating the numbers correct proportions.

The machine begins rumbling, lighting up, flashing all about as you can see little beams of light shooting outta the tight cracks.

The machine settles down, as smokes brew, out comes Hitler Octopus.

Joshua picks him up, places him over in the tank.

He gives Hitler a look, “I know you don’t like this, but it’s for your own good. You can’t just fly around as a bird in Hell. Satan may not like it.”

Joshua makes for the door, “Got 5 dates at 6, be back whenever, bye.”

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segment 3

Out he goes. Leaving Hitler Octopus all alone.

Hitler octopus spits out a key to his tentacle.

He grins, lightly puts out in a rather devious voice, “Octopus Hitler bird rising…”

He unlocks the tank,

“Phase 1.”, whispers Octopus Hitler.

The water floods out of the tank, drifting Hitler over to the hand case.

With his might, he begins unlocking the hand case. Complementing his greatness,

“Hitler Octopus da best…”

Takes out a couple of hands, he bites off a piece of his neck, throws it to the floor, the back of hands begin attaching to the neck skin. As the hands begin walking around.

“Place me in the Bird Machine.”, Hitler demands.

The Hitler Neck-skin hands pushes him over to the … place-standing machine.

Hitler is well aware, “No! not the place-standing machine! THE BIRD MACHINE! THE BIRD MACHINE!”

Hand has no ears, so it just sorta shrugs, and pushes Hitler in.

Hand types in the numbers and off Hitler goes.

 Hitler screams one last breath as he is wisped away to an unknown destination.

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Segment 4

The place-standing machine can sure take a toll on you, for that Hitler is blackened to slumber, awakening hours later in some trashcan in a back alley somewhere. About late night, I would say… WOULD say. Could be nine p.m, or 11:30. It is sometime late night, most likely. Pretty dark.

Confused, not sure where he at, he asks himself, “Hitler bird? Ah, no, just a Hitler Octopus.”

Hitler Octopus fumbles around the trashcan, trying to get out, when he hears high-heels pattering down the alley.

He looks all around to see nothing but fog off the distant, and city lights to the left. Begins to hear chains rattling, an eerie whistling.

A woman with blonde hair and minions come out from the fog,

She asks, “What you doing in my alley?”

“Your alley?”

“That’s right its my alley! Im Alley, better known as the Back ALLEY Bruiser!”

Octopus Hitler shrieks, “OH CRAPSHAKE!”

Octopus Hitler pushes over the trashcan, and begins to crawl away. But to no avail! Back ALLEY Bruiser snatches him up, looks to her minions,

“What you say we do to this creature? Invite him over for toaster strudels?”

Some of the boys sorta laugh, like “yeah, yeah, alright.”

She cuts them down with WAVE OF HER HAND,

“Calm down, calm down, nah, that won’t do. Im thinkin’… placing calculator in his head,”

One of her men speaks up, “Yeah, then we could call him calculator boy! Be like, ‘ay calcy boy, what time is it? YOU AIN’T NOTHING BUT NUMBERS!’”

Another one of her men then adds, “Then we could make him into an alligator and call him a… CALIGATOR!”

“CALIGATOR OCTOPUSS BOY!”, another man adds.

BackAlley Bruiser has taken up there ideas,

“Sounds like a party,”, she takes out her knife, “Let’s begin.”

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segment5

Smell of Octopus-out-of-water Hitler attracts a stray dog. The dog runs up, snatches Octopus Hitler from Back Alley Bruiser, drags him away.

Right outta the alley and into the on-coming traffic. A car smashes into the dog, allowing the dog to loose grip of Octopus Hitler.

Octopus Hitler flies across the lane of cars.

Two men driving along converse back and forth, when Octopus Hitler comes smashing at there window.

Gerold, driver, startled by the unsuspecting smash, with him and both passenger yelling,

“UH OH!” the moment octopus Hitler smashes into there windshield.

His passenger wasn’t really startled, he just yells “UH OH!” every once in a while.

Gerold turns to his friend, the passenger,

“Rodney, what we do?”

Rodney notices that Octopus Hitler is on the loose ends, he is half knocked-out. So, could just toss him off the windshield, or,

“I KNOW! Let’s take him to Laugherne!”

“To Laugherne? No, no. Why?”

“If we take him in our underwater taxi ride, not only will the great Professor be amazed with the first ever underwater taxi, but we could dub this new creature a finding along the way!”

Gerold paused for a quick thought, moment passed,

“Alright, drug him and throw in trunk.”

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Segment 6

Octopus Hitler woke the following morning in the trunk.

Seeing nothing but darkness, hearing nothing but whale noises,

“OCTOPUS HITLER BETTER THAN A DARK NOISE!”

He bursted (that’s bursted, not BUSTED!). Right out of the trunk.

The two men look back, as Hitler is left in distance.

Rodney taps Gerold’s chest,

“Ay! The octopus Hitler got away!”

Gerold thinks about it,

“No luggage in trunk, right? Ah, only the Octopus Hitler. Best not to go back for him. Could make us late. Fooo-get ‘bout it, mayun.”

They drive off, leaving Octopus Hitler in the MIDDLE OF THE GOD DAMN OCEAN!

A rock… underwater rock, snuggled in the sea of weed (that’s seaweed, buster!)  catches Octopus Hitler’s fall.

Half octopus, half Hitler, he can only be half alive under water.

So his eyes roll back, his head detaches from Octopus body, floating up above.

As his Octopus body floats down below, to the deep, deep, deep ends.

Hitler’s head floats up, out of water. His soul was in the octopus body, there for, nothing to hold him on Earth.

Earth is a prison for souls, and if no soul in body, no welcome.

Hitler’s head floats up to the clouds, past the clouds, breaking through the ozone.

His head transcending into space air, rather earth air, freezes up his head whole, consuming it in a tuck of time and space.

So, the Hitler Head just forever drifts… forever… in space….

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Segment 7

MEANWHILE…

Down below, in the depths of the ocean, sand gravitates toward the Octopus Hitler body, it begins to attach itself onto the Octopus body, makes form of Hitler head.

Once his senses come to, he realizes what he must do. He feels betrayed that his head left him, as if he was nothing!

The Octopus Hitler Sand hand swims to the top of the ocean, sees a boat, and latches on.

Captain of ship is unaware, as the tentacles slap onto the side, hoisting up Octopus Hitler Sand Head.

Captain whistles an old sea tune, with his mind on his Africa destination, and his head not thinking so much.

Octopus Hitler Sand Head then attacks him!

He takes his tentacles, wraps around the old sea captain, shredding up his body and livers. Making his brain explode!

Octopus Hitler Sand head shoves the captain’s corpse off deck,

“Now time to get some rockets! So I can fly this boat to space, to get revenge on Hitler Head!”

Precisely one week passed, Octopus Hitler Sand Head had reached the U.S of A.

He broke into NASA, stole all there rockets and space suits.

He broke into the Home Depot, and stole all there tools!

He broke into the living room of an old couple, but finally got the rocket-power space boat to go upward, not forward!

Racing towards the Heavens, with full speed, Octopus Hitler Sand head was coming for Hitler Head. HOW DARE HE ABANDONE HIM! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN? NO, NOT GOOD! Yes no-souls float up, BUT YOU GOTTA STAY WITH YOUR BODY NO MATTER WHAT!

In the week’s past, Hitler Head had passed through a couple of worm holes, and met up with the star people.

The star people had taken him in, formed him into a 2^nd rank star person.

Glow of the star body made Hitler’s head vaguely noticeable . He had forgot about his former self and was concentrating on becoming a star pusher.

Star people are formed within the stars, they either become mayors or star pushers, star pushers push the stars so the planets get life, so the nights’ look pretty.

Only problems are battling the Galaxy Witches.

Octopus Sand Head was unaware, going full speed in his rocket-powered space boat, looking for the head who had betrayed him.

He searched Mars, Jupiter, Mercury, PLUTO!

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Segment 8

Around Galaxy X, he noticed his fuel was low, pulled over for gas.

Gas station seemed eerily different, the doors HAD NO DOORS! And when you called for the gas-pump boy, no gas-pump boy!

YOU HEARD ME! HE HAD TO PUMP HIS OWN GAS!

When he went into the gas of stations, no clerk… free gas.

Starts up his space boat, when the dinosaur lizards of space 12 come at him.

He tries to get away, but fails!

About to get eaten by the dinosaur lizards of space 12, the Rat boys of AlphaQuan X shoot ray guns to scare them off.

“BACK OFF!”, yells one of the boys. The lizard dinosaurs of space 12 are worried by the lasers, they leave.

The boys come to check Octopus Hitler Body Sand Head.

“You alright?”, asks one of the boys.

Octopus Hitler Sand Head is alright, but his boat sure isn’t.

“OH MAN! MY BOAT! THIS TOTALLY BLOWS!”

The boys feel a bit gloomed for the Octopus body Sand head,

One of them saying, “This not the best place for pit stop, If it’s not the Lizard Dinosaurs of Space 12, it’s the galaxy witches. A danger zone this place is.”

Octopus Hitler body Sand Head asks if they could perhaps fix up his boatship.

“We gotta get out of here, mister. The ray guns scare off the Dinosaur Lizards of space 12, but the Galaxy witches no-way!”

Octopus Hitler Body Sand Head asks when the galaxy witches arrive.

No one is sure.

Little Ray boy shrugs, “About noon, sometimes. Usually 4 p.m…”

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Segment 9

Hitler Head on star 2^nd rank star person body marhed in line with the rest. To the amateur push hour.

“IMS’A GONNA PUSH THE BIGGEST ASTROID! AND MAYBE A COMET!”, exclaims Hitler Head on 2^nd rank Star body.

His friend, jimmy, laughs at him, “While you pushin’ asteroids, I’ll be pushing a protostar!”

Alarms go off, over the intercom it is announced a break-in- THE GALAXY WITCHES!

“STATIONS! STATIONS! EVERY GO TO YOUR STATIONS!”, shouted Commander Will.

Every rushed to there stations, got there rocket shooters ready, hid the star children. Prepared for the Galaxy Witches.

He Galaxy witches broke through the upper level of the command station in which they were in,

There black-hole bodies begin consuming various objects, the star people had there anti-black-hole suits on, so, no big deal. It works like a flame retardant suit, works a while, but soon… yikes.

Firing lasers and rockets left and right at the Galaxy Witches, as the Galaxy Witches shoot fires from themselves.

Joshua the Scientist then breaks in with attached hands on himself.

The blood from the current operations of his newly attached hands form in with space, the blood begins eating away everything,

“AAAHH, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR LEAVING YOUR TANK!!!”, Josh yells loud.

Everything begins to suck into the blood, with the blood growing fast in a giant blood monster.

Josh even becomes consumed with the beast.

The giant blood monster grows and grows, eating up all of the space and galaxies, even Heaven and Hell.

Soon, everything is one giant blood blob.

The planets, stars, galaxies, everyone in it, all formed into blood.

…. And that’s the story of how all in existence become nothing but blood. No blood planets, just a big, thick blood blob of everything in time and space.

The End.