Frozen Chapter 1-3

Simply the beginning

Anger…anger is an issue many people have trouble dealing with and controlling, such is the reason for many crimes we see today, and much misdirected anger. A man who beats the woman he says he loves in a drunken rage. Or parents who neglect their own children and hurt them more than they know, these are just some examples of anger taken to physical extremes. Some people are picked on so badly it turns them into bad people, you can not always see the pain they have on the inside just by looking at them. They put on a happy face to make you think everything is ok when the truth is that their images of themselves are destroyed but it is always true in life the saying: We can not always choose what life throws at us but we can control what it makes of us.

“I know I am not the best looking guy, I am not kidding myself. I am 5’8” 200lbs and pale as a ghost who the hell would want me?” The young 18yr old man sighed as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and looked away as if unable to look at his own image. He looked back at the image that had bothered him for so many years and ran his hands through his thin brown and receding hair. He gritted his teeth and looked back into the mirror at the blue eyes that stared back at him and couldn’t help but think of a couple people in his life that had said he had beautiful eyes. No one would ever date him though he thought no matter how many nice things others would say of him.

“What I am doing wrong?” he sniffled as his eyes welled up with tears that he fought so hard to hold back “I am a nice guy who loves to make people laugh and feel good. I am not an angry man and I love my family but will I ever…” he paused unable to speak for a moment afraid someone outside the clean white bathroom might hear him.

            Six in the morning was not his favorite time of the day as gathered himself and walked out of the bathroom his hair spread out in ways you might not believe possible.  His loving parents and sister greeted him with birthday hugs and kisses. His Mom held a present for him and he smiled seeing the size of it but still being suspicious. It was a bout the size of a Kleenex box but his Mom liked to use these boxes to hide smaller things in.

“Happy Birthday Austin!” The three of them said as he was handed the gift. He was in no rush to open it so he just thanked them for the kind greeting and waited till he sat down in his familiar morning chair. He looked at his parents and they told him he could open it now since this was the only time today all of them would be together.  He opened it like most would with little care for the paper as it ripped and he smiled wondering what lay inside although kind of knowing since he had been hinting to his parents at something in particular.  The box was of course taped so his father laughed at his mother for making it difficult. Austin smiled as his dad handed him a pocket knife to open it. When he finally got it open there was a square item wrapped in Kleenex that he opened slowly with anticipation. Then he finally saw the case of the video game he had been eye balling every time he went to the store, it was a gift he had been looking forward to since he first saw the commercial for it months ago.  He jumped up in excitement and gave everyone a hug and a big thank you. He didn’t have time to play before school but he knew he would have time afterwards. His breakfast tasted sweet though little sugar was present and the air though cold as Wisconsin near the end of December can get couldn’t feel any better on his beat read face.

            This good mood was to be short lived when he got to school. Friends he had known for years barley acknowledged this birthday unlike any other, some of them didn’t even know.  The only people who actually gave him birthday wishes where in his PRIDE (drug-free) group after school, being there always cheered him up. His leg bounced nervously on the bus ride home knowing what was awaiting him was a mere power button away. When he and his sister got home he immediately headed upstairs to his room to begin this new video game adventure. There was a woman in the game by the name of Rionet; she was a19yr old Caucasian girl who had an Asian looking face.  The way she was dressed with a little cleavage showing, which wasn’t much with her smaller than average breasts.  The way her tight black shorts that came up to about the knee.  She was very beautiful; which is the way the designers of the game intended her to be. Her spunky personality combined with her looks where meant to have specific response in young males like Austin. 

The more he played the more he began to like her as if she was a real person though she would always be just pixels on his T.V. He played the game through multiple times which is something he had never done before. All through the rest of the high school year he was obsessed with this woman and this game; his grades in school were enough to pass and nothing more.  He put up posters from the game and of this girl up in his room where he could look at her always. The outside of his bedroom door became filled with pictures he got off the computer of the same thing.  His parents paid it no bother thinking that this was just a phase.  Even after school he still obsessed with her because he was in love, he never told anyone about his obsession because no one would understand. They would say she isn’t real, but she was real enough for him since he never had a woman of his own. Sure there were girls who showed a little interest in him but he never acted on the things he saw. No matter what he was no cheater to his digital girl as he saw it, Rionet would not reject nor hurt him as other people have done in the past.  Desperation can lead to things we never thought we could do, caring and loving a girl who only exist on a game disc.

“I love my family very much and I don’t know what I would do without them” Austin was writing in a book in the back of the car. “I love my parents very much and my sister is like my best friend. She is the only real friend I have and we lots of fun things together. It’s these family get togethers that really help me in the worst of times. I don’t suppose I tell them enough but all I can do is write about it. Writing is my cure for what ails my mind it’s the one thing I know I can be really good at. Because when I am writing I am thinking about something else in my own fantasy world where I can do anything and be with anyone. I don’t think about the bad stuff in my life because I am living somewhere else in my mind.”

“Austin what are you writing?” His sister Jessie asked sitting next to him in the back seat on the way to their Aunts house out in the country, Austin loved being over there at night because there were no city lights and you could see an amazing display of stars at night.

“Just some stuff, nothing much” he closed the notebook because though he was writing nice things about them he didn’t want anyone to see it.

Austin and his family were there early because that’s what his Mom was like that.  He sat around talking with the few people who were there and slowly more people arrived with their children.  Soon enough as they walked in the door saying hi to everyone the kids were already jumping on him as he minded his own business in a chair just talking.  They jumped on him but he grabbed the first one who was a 6yr old girl and just started walking with her as she struggled and laughed. He carried her to the back door only a few feet away and put her down to open the door so they all more room to run around. He walked outside where they were having some very nice weather for spring then he heard this just as he got out there.

“Get him!” he looked back to see several kids running for him so he took off running down the deck to the open backyard. He was slow compared to those his age but fast compared to them so he didn’t run to fast. They laughed as they chased him with the intention of bringing the big man down so when he ran out of breath at the front of the house they all started pulling on his arms which was as high as they could reach. Some wrapped around his legs and others pulled trying to bring him down but he was strong and was able to pull them away. It was like trying to bring down a large animal that would be a proud accomplishment. But he couldn’t stop them forever before conceding defeat as he fell about 5min later.

“We got him.” He lay on his stomach catching his breath as he felt the weight on his back increase with about a hundred pounds of hyper flesh.

“No I got you.” Austin said almost eating the grass and dirt inches from his face

“No you don’t!” they laughed at his joke so they thought.  But then he planted his arms like a push up and raised himself with others to his knees. Some fell of but were right back in the fight trying to take his arms down.

“Don’t let him back up!” they screamed and laughed having fun bringing down someone of his size. They could not take out the arms as he got to his feet with energy now that he caught his breath. He struggled and started pulling them off of him one by one till he could work up some momentum and take off only to have them follow in pursuit.  He could only run for so long before he ran out of energy, kids it seemed had a much larger energy tank when compared to an overweight guy like himself was almost infinite. After about an hour of this he went inside to cool down and wipe down his waterfall of sweat. He guzzled some water and sat around for a bit as the sun would set in some hours and people moved outside to the bonfire pit. Austin was a pyro and loved to control the fire which is what he did as he put wood on and moved things around.  Again he was minding his own business talking with the adults around the fire sharing jokes and stories. But eventually the kids want to play with him again. “Ghost in the graveyard” was the game they wanted to play which he agreed to, it was a childish game that was still fun.

            But in the middle of this game something happened that concerned him, something that forced to ask questions about himself. While he was looking for a place to hide in the dark on this large property he was next to a forest that was close to the house.  While walking by it your mind can play tricks on you when you are in the dark and your mind begins to wander about what can exist in the places you can not see.  He could hear something but not see it inside of there where no light existed not even from the faintest moon light.  He got closer and started to walk inside unafraid he told himself though we all can’t help but be a little nervous even in such a circumstance.

  “Austin” a whisper seemingly right next to him made him jump but no one was there that he could see as his eyes began to adjust to the darkness and his hands touched the trees in his path.

“Hello?” he backed up now afraid of something he could not explain.

“I am inside you.” This time he did not jump but also had no time to react as a light hit him and someone screamed

“Ghost in the graveyard!” he made no attempt to run as he was tagged by his 7yr old cousin Annette.  “Got you” she laughed at the achievement.

“I know” he looked at her as they started to walk back but she looked at him.

“What’s wrong?” he looked down at her with a smile

“Nothing” he knew something was wrong inside of him but he could not let them know. They could not know what was wrong with their cousin Austin, could not know that this happy fun loving guy felt like he was going crazy.  It was indeed his turn to hunt for others but he couldn’t as he had suddenly lost the energy and will to have fun.

“Are you playing?” another asked as he sat near the fire with the adults.

“I’m taking a break.” They were disappointed but continued on nevertheless. Austin started at the fire for a bit.  As he started at that fire he thought about how it’s amazing how beautiful fire can be from a safe perspective; it can bring down buildings but watching it like this it seems like its dancing. Dancing around that wood with the breeze that passes by and it certainly is a beautiful thing to see.

            He knew something was wrong or did he? Was it all in his head or was he loosing it? He wanted to talk to someone who knew about this stuff like a psychologist but he was too lazy about stuff like that and didn’t do it though in his heart he knew that he should. However soon there after he was at work doing as he normally did and the day was as normal with those who would seek to hurt him emotionally for their own amusement.  These young boys Ken and Rick were only 16 but Austin had plenty of anger towards them though he didn’t show it.  Everyday coming to work he feared because he knew they were there and he knew what was to come. They picked on him a lot more than he had every experienced.  It was relentless things for their own humor and all Austin could do was try to brush it off.  From something as small as calling names for no reason or making fun of the many things that just made him what he was. Loosing his hair at a young age, no girlfriend, still a virgin at 19 and even his drug-free life style. It seemed there were a great many things to make fun of him for, things that previously he had not given much thought to as something to be ashamed of. That is what they did and Austin knew they would but he would not fire back because he wasn’t like that. He just sat back and took the abuse though most people wouldn’t; he hoped that one day they would give up and realize how much he was hurt.  Small things like taking his hat and running around though he just wanted to work or something as big as messing with his water or his food so he couldn’t even eat in peace.

            These people didn’t realize that even though they saw it as a joke all the time he couldn’t do such a thing. Eventually a joke can become personal when they see the stress it causes him but they still do it.  And on this day it was closing time and the last orders had just gone out as this nice restaurant on the lake. It had been a more stressful day than most but not for the reasons some might think. It was busy but not to hectic so he had no reason to be upset at that but it was summer and he had been sweating. Like others he was tire and couldn’t wait to go home to take a shower to get that nasty feeling he had off after a long day at work. That though is not what had bothered him what was getting him was Ken and Rick who were in a good mood so saw it fit to make him miserable.  All day long they made fun of him for reasons previously mentioned amongst others but he did not fight back. Even when food and other objects were thrown at him and he was getting mad.  These kids who just slacked off while he tried to do his work wore on him, not just the slacking but their good times were his bad times.

            The line that they had been cooking on was a mess from the night though not the worst Austin had ever seen.  He was doing his part to clean up so they could all go home and not waste money by standing around. But these kids were no where to be seen all of a sudden as Austin did his work like he always had.  He saw them however on the other end of the kitchen sitting down with Tom the manager. They all had work to do but knew Austin would do it anyways so took a little break without him knowing about it.  He was mad but tried to remain calm. He walked over there and waited patiently for them to stop speaking so he didn’t interrupt.

“Can you guys help clean up so I don’t have to do it by myself?” he asked politely but still nervous about having to ask them to do what they should have been doing already.

“Yeah” Tom said who was a nice guy most of the time but when he was in a bad mood is when Austin steered clear so it wasn’t taken out on him like in the past. Ken and Rick didn’t pay him any bother even though Austin was their boss also. But Austin continued on him work but 5 min later their area had still not been touched and they had not moved. They were still in the one place just goofing around which was really starting to irritate him. So he once again went over there to see what the hold up was though he was afraid of Tom’s reaction.

“What’s the hold up guys?” he said kind of joking around clapping his hands a bit to get their attention with a smile

“We were just joking around for a minute freak” Rick said snapping at him

“Actually it was like 10 minutes that I’ve been doing my work while you take a break.”

“Maybe you should keep doing your work and we’ll do ours.” Tom said annoyed for no reason.

“I will but if you don’t go over there then I have to do your stuff so it all gets done. I can’t leave till it’s all done so you see my dilemma.” Austin smiled trying to show he wasn’t being angry. But he saw the look in Tom’s face which scared him because he knew he didn’t do anything wrong.

“Get out of here psycho your taking up the space of people who should be alive.” Ken said and Austin couldn’t figure out why he would say something so mean. Nor why Tom as a manager would sit there and let it happen as if it was justified. He didn’t walk back down to his area but went to the basement which was right behind were these guys were sitting.  He could feel his eyes swelling up at this event especially since he knew it was not the first nor the last time it would happen. As he walked down he heard Ken say something like it was on purpose Austin would here it.

“Do us a favor and kill yourself.” He could hear them laughing like Austin shouldn’t take it seriously but how could he not. When someone has the audacity to suggest you take your life.  He went far back into the store room so he could cry quietly and no one would know. No one would be there to comfort him when he needed it he would just be by himself. It felt like someone was grabbing his stomach and twisting it as these thoughts hit him of times like this. And know that this could happen tomorrow or the next week and he still had to some here for his job. He loved his job just not a lot of the people like these guys.

            When he had taken his breather and felt better he went towards the steps knowing what awaited him at the top but still proceeded. Even then he could still here them there speaking as he went up the steps slowly

 “Man Austin is going to become a serial killer one day.” That anger swelled up again like a volcano waiting to erupt and he gripped the wooden railings tight.  He gripped so hard his hands hurt and he could feel something inside him that wasn’t anger but he also couldn’t explain it.  Like something wanted to get out he thought and his body began to shake a little as he tried to control it.  Only a few seconds later that was over and Austin shook his head and blew the comment away as he walked past them.

“Austin you ok?” Tom asked like he didn’t know something could be wrong with him.

Austin looked at him with a smile though he hurt on the inside so

“Yeah man I’m alright.” Austin continued his work and Tom got the others to finally work for the first time in the past 15 minutes. But even then couldn’t help but be concerned at what happened on those steps and what had happened at his Aunt’s house.  He thought he was loosing his mind or going crazy from holding back so much anger all the time. Sure he had his writing to put his feelings into most of the time but still you can only fill up a bottle so high before it burst.