A girl named Mary

Let me tell you a story of sorts about a girl that i met once whose name i thought was Mary. This is a story in the fact that there is some fiction to it which you will understand by the end, this is not just sob story from a lonely guy like me but a life leason i think for anyone who reads this. A lesson that you can be hurt but still forgive the hurter.

For those who dont know me i am 24yrs old, single all my life without ever going out on a date or kissing a girl or anything else for that matter. However i have no complaints i accept things for what they are and make the best of them, I am a guy who can make people laugh till it hurts and make you laugh out of no where. I'll walk by you and say something funny its waht i do. What happened to me was an attempt to reach out and find someone, a woman, for the first time. I went to eharmony with no luck though i did try and looks where not a factor, many of the profiles on that site do not have photos so i was attempting to communicate with women based of of personality.

After that failed i went ot match.com where i tried and tried for months with the "WInks" and emails but there was just something about me that no one was interested in. I suppose it doesn't help i dont want a girl who smokes or drinks a lot but whatever. What you have to understand about me going to these sights is because it is hard for me to talk to a beautiful woman, the ones i work with sort of know this it took time for me to talk to them. but asking one out on a date is a whole nother issue that i will put into a later blog entry :)

After must searchign i sent a wink to someone back in late August and it was returned with an email from a very beautiful woman who seemed interested in me. We got the talking on yahoo messenger and she showed me more pics, she told me after a few days she was falling in love with me. To here those words really got to me because i never ever ever hear a woman say im good looking much less someoen who loves me in such a way. And this coming from one of the most beautiful and seemingly kind women ive ever meet. I really wanted to meet her which she brought up that she was in Nigeria,Africa taking care of her sick Mom. I thought it odd but i accepted it because i didnt know any better.

Eventually she asked for money to come back to the states which i had sent through a legitamite online service. After the money was sent she asked for more later telling me things that i believed, all in all i send 2k to get this woman that I loved and i believed loved me to the US. I had it planned out when we would met at the airport i would kiss her in a romantic way and she was all for it. BUt when that day came there was a delay, the whole time i was very ify about it but thought maybe im just being paranoid and when she is in my arms there will be no more worries. Well couple days later after i got home from work excited to see her the next day i got an email which confirmed what i feared but in my heart knew to be true.

She emailed me saying that she had been in a terrible accident on the way to the airport and the need another 2k to save her life, at that moment i knew i had been scammed. She told me she was using her last energy to type this email and she would be dead tommorow so i emailed her back telling her that i knew she was a scammer and she would get no money from me. She continued for the next few days to try and convince me she was real but i had done some investigating on the interet and read up on scammers from Nigeria, she fit one to a T, the things she did and said were all on there. When confronted with it she denied it off course and said she was hurt that i would say such things. But in the end i blocked her and didnt talk to her again.

The timing of this was not the best because i Dad was having health problems and had a ciezure earlier in the week, i had found him on the floor shaking and whatnot. That day i knew she was a scammer was a Sunday and that night when no one was home i sat in my room infront of my cross and i prayed for the Lord to give me strength. I cried so hard from the pain i had suffered, and for the first time in a very long time i asked God when would it be my time to be loved by a woman in such a way. I dont question God its not my nature i trust him wholy with my life but this one time i asked one question and in some way he did give me an answer.

But the point to this whole story is what i took from it. After i cried for awhile i found it in myself to forgive this person who had hurt me so much and i told them that. Forgiveness can be easy but in a case like this it can also be hard but i did it because if i was angry at them it would only hurt me more. And that is my point that i hope at least one person can take with them after this, forgive your enimies and those who wrong you and you may find peace of mind. After this whole event i got up from my pain and sorry and rose a stronger man. I was knocked down but i got right back up and kept on going because i wont anyone person keep me down. What hurt the most really was thinking i found someone and falling in love with them only to find out later it was the idea of a woman like that i fell in love with. At least in a relationship you love a real person but the first love of my life was not real.

I know one day i will find love but it was not this day, i know one day i will lay my lips upon the lips of a female who longs for mine but that day has not come yet. I know one day i will lay with a woman and make love to her in ways that the body can not and i will wait for taht day. For the longer I go without the sweeeter it shall be when it comes to me.