Beautiful Music 2

God, I was dying in my own heaven. Drowning in happiness, was it possible? I didn't care. My hands moved from her spine, hugging her tightly in my arms. She stiffened there and I pulled away.
"Clara?" I asked, suddenly worried. Her eyes were wide with shock, my jaw clenched. "I know that I probably shouldn't have done that, but-"
"No, you shouldn't have," she agreed, suddenly venomous. I could feel my entire body freeze, in denial that it was over. She reached and pulled my arms off of her, one at a time.
"Clara, can we talk about this?"
"What, the fact that you think you can just go around kissing people?" She turned away from me again and shoved her hands onto her hips.

"You regret it." I could not make my lips form it into the quesion that I wanted it to be, I knew the answer.
"And you don't?" she returned, still facing the wall.
"No," I answered immediately, moving closer to her.
"Bullshit Tim." She whipped around to face me with the harshest look I had ever seen in her eyes. And I had put it there.
"What do I do? What can I do to fix this?"
"Get out, and stay away." The words slithered out of her lips, stabbing into me.
"Clara..." Against my will it was a plea.

I closed my eyes, giving myself one more second with her.
"Okay." I walked back to my room, pulled a grey duffel out of my closet. My mind tangled, crashing in on itself. I was an idiot, there was no fact more obvious at the moment. Now I would have to transfer schools, there was no more housing available on campus, I couldn't afford an apartment. The boarding office had some sort of glitch in their computers, throwing both Clara and I out of the list for dorms, to make up for it they had lent us this apartment that they used for traveling speakers that came to the college. It didn't really matter, the moment could only grow worse with death.
"Where are you going to go?" Clara questioned from the doorway. I made the mistake of looking at her. One foot tilted back, as if she wasn't sure she really wanted to be there, and her hand rested carefully on the doorframe.

I opened my lips and pulled air in with some difficulty. After another moment I shrugged dropping my eyes, there was no point in lying.
"I'll figure something out. Transferring isn't out of the question."
"You can't." I looked again, regretting it again as she pressed into the room.
"Clara, I can't stay. Not now," I looked back down, shoving jeans into the bag and concentrating on the zipper.
"Why not?" Her voice grew petulant, I winced.
"I thought that you wanted me to leave. That's what I'm doing."
"Why? Why do you do what I want now?" she questioned moving closer. I kept my eyes firmly on the zipper under my hands. No more mistakes.

"How can I not?"
"Tim! You are being impossible!"
"Sorry," I offered, pulling the strap onto my shoulder.
"For Christ's sakes! It was just a kiss!" I had no more excuse to avert my eyes and looked forward to see both her hands thrown in the air. I just shook my head, she didn't get it.
"I'll send someone for my stuff within the week." She stood at the door and I had no choice but to move closer to her.
"I'm not letting you do this. You cannot throw away your college career for me."
"Why not?" I asked meeting her eyes.
"Because, you would end up flipping burgers somwhere and I would always feel guilty." I could feel my frown and I was flailing. I forced my lips into a smile,
"Come on, I could at least manage to be a night security guard."
"This isn't funny."
"There are other schools Clara," Other girls, I added uselessly in my head.
"But, I don't want to stay here alone," she objected, placing both arms out blocking my path. "So you just go and unpack mister." I crossed my arms over my chest.
"No."

"Tim! Please?" How badly I wanted to give in, but I couldn't.
"Clara," I whispered, "I can't. Not when things have changed the way that they have."
"What's changed?! Nothing has changed!" I shook my head again. "Quit doing that! Why are you doing that?"
"Because, you, my dear, are wrong. Everything has changed."
"Why?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Because I don't regret it, okay? I don't regret kissing you, and I really want to do it again."
"Stop it!" she commanded, clapping her hands over her ears.
"What is there someone else? Is that it?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. She shook her head. No one else. Just not me.

I edged out past her, crossing to the door, grabbing my keys off the edge of the counter.
"No!" she yelped as I felt a tug on the strap of my bag pulling me back.
"Clara!" I scolded, "Please stop acting this way, I need to go.
"But I don't want you to. Okay? Will you stay now?" Hope shot into my chest before I could stop it, it flowed out of my heart in uneven bursts.
"Why do you want me to stay?" I asked turning and letting my bag fall to the floor.
"Because, you can't leave this school, not in the middle of the semester. Half your credits would be worthless!"
"I don't care," I said rashly.
"I wasn't aware that you had that much money to throw around," she muttered. Internally I winced, I didn't. Before my mind could register what it was she was doing she had scooped my bag off the floor and thrown it into her room, shutting the door and placing herself in front of it.
"Clara! Really, stop it. I want to go." A pout so adorable it should be illegal reached her lips.
"Really?" she whispered. My head fell into my hands.
"No."
"Good," a self satisfied smirk appeared. God, I was weak.
"Can I have my bag back?" I asked looking at the floor.
"No."
"Why not?" I asked sharply, "I'm not leaving, you got what you wanted." She looked at me curiously and I crossed to her. "Let me through so I can get my bag please," I said softly.
"How do I know you won't just take it and run?" she asked after arching an eyebrow at me. I held up my car keys in one hand.
"Collateral?" Her hand closed over mine, but didn't pull the keys away. Instead her fingers intwined with mine. "What?" I questioned slowly. She didn't answer, but her fingers rose and traced over my lips. My eyes closed. Her hand clutched tighter over mine, pressing the metal into my palm.
"You really thought there was someone else?" she questioned, fingertips still moving lightly.

"I had hoped so," I muttered after a moment.
"Why?" she asked, hand frozen. I slowly opened my eyes.
"I wanted there to be a good reason for us to not be together, that's why."
"Us..." she murmured after a second. Her hand continued its path.

"Are you trying to torture me?"
"Maybe a little bit," I pulled back, releasing myself from her hold.
"Hey, I wasn't done," she objected.
"Clearly, I'm still alive." She stepped forward, a look of determination crossing her brow. I stepped back.
"Where are you going?"
"I can't be close to you right now Clara."
"Why?"
"Because I still want to kiss you."
"So?"
"What?"