I Can Love, But I Need His Heart [1]

The first period bell rang, but I did not want to move from my seat. The papers had left to be distributed throughout the entire school, how many had already read my most intimate, private words? Finally I pushed myself back from my desk and stood. My shoulders slumped in the unavoidable teasing that I was sure to encounter. At the door my best friend, Beth waited for me. Concern was witten all over her face.
"What happened?" she questioned looping her arm through mine.
"I never meant for it to be published! What am I going to do?"
"Well, you said it yourself didn't you? Only six more weeks. This will all die down eventually, I'm sure of it." We stepped into the hall, my heart pounding fiercely. There was no immediate reaction to my presence, I let out a tiny sigh of relief. A long wolf whistle sounded from just behind me.
"Hey Michelle! If you're really weak in the knees you can just get on the floor!" My heart dropped right into my shoes, how humiliating.

"Hey, screw off pal!" Beth yelled, turning and shaking a fist.
"I'm trying!" His friends and he all snickered, I couldn't bring myself to turn and look. Tears pricked my eyes unexpectedly and I hunched my shoulders moving for my class.
"Stay strong, they're only high school idiots. I'll see you at lunch," Beth said carefully studying my face.
"Thanks," I mumbled miserably. Turning to go through the door I nearly slammed into the cause of all of this, gorgeous as he was. That did it, tears slid neatly down my face. He glanced down at me, our eyes clashing for a brief second, then he moved past me. The breath that I had caught in my throat leaked out slowly. Nothing, he had noticed and said nothing. I sat in my desk and tossed my head down on my arms. Students slowly filed in and the teacher called the class to order. I tuned everything out, the only option to make it through the day. Once I finally managed to get home I wasted no time, immediately climbing into my bed and pulling the covers over my head.
"Please let me wake up tomorrow and have it all have been a dream...please." I whispered to myself over and over again. At some point I slept.

The fingers of dawn's light crawled over my eyelids, driving away the last vestiges of sleep. I shot up, if the sun was already up I had over slept. A nearly overwhelming sense of dread washed over me, I didn't want to go in, especially not now. With a resigned sigh I threw the cover off my legs and ran around my room trying to get dressed. My cat peered up curiously from the floor. This morning it seemed he was taunting me. I had to go to school and he got to stay here and lick himself. Life was just not fair.

"Just the person I wanted to see!" Mrs. J cried out when I finally shuffled through her classroom door. "We had an overwhelming response to yesterday's piece. I want another one just like it!"
"Oh Hell no," I said in a perfectly flat tone.
"Hey, watch your mouth. That's your next assignment, get to work."
"No, you can't force me to do this." It was only then that I noticed the dead silence of the room. Everyone was staring at me as if I had just eaten a live kitten. Then I got it, a week ago I never would have talked back like this. A week ago I was still whole.
"Alright. Well, I can hold a contest. Whoever writes the best piece gets a date with you, you can judge that way when your lover boy enters you choose him, wham! Automatic date." She clapped her hands together in delight, the folds of fat hanging off her face did a chaotic dance in response.
"You can't make me do that. I refuse."
"Michelle, I will fail you."
"Go ahead, I don't need this class for graduation. I'll drop." As if the fact that I wasn't agreeing with her suddenly sunk in Mrs. J's mouth opened in a perfect oval, plum lips shaping her surprise. Imagine...surprise at me objecting to this. What planet was she on?

"Michelle, why don't you want me to help you?" she asked, voice going soft. Fury flooded me. "You are not trying to help me, we both know that." I wanted to physically slap her, I really did. Instead of doing something that would undoubtedly get me suspended or even expelled I turned and walked out of her room.

The secretary of the guidance office shot me a sympathetic look before I was even through the door. I was still so mad that I wanted to slap her too. Again I controlled myself and flopped into a chair, letting my purse fall to the floor.
"Did you want to see a counselor?" she asked from behind the desk, her voice annoyingly calm.
"No," I muttered fighting the urge to cover my face with my hands.
"Oh, ok then. Well I'll just make some copies." 'Great.' I thought to myself, saying nothing. She walked away from the desk in hurried steps, probably throwing a glance or two back my way. I couldn't bring myself to care.

The door opened again, and I half expected to see Mrs. J standing there ready to drag me back to class by the hair. But it wasn't her, it was Micheal, moving through the door with incredible ease. He placed a paper in one of the bins sitting on the carefully arranged desk and turned spotting me. I wanted to melt into the floor. A puzzled look crossed his face quickly.
"Waiting for a counselor?" he asked. 'Oh God, he asked me something! What do I say?' I thought before managing to calm myself.
"No," I let out on a shallow breath.
"Oh," he said and a silence fell.
"Mrs. J wants me to write another piece like yesterday's. I said no and she threatened to fail me, I walked out."
"She can't fail you for that, can she?"
"I don't think so," I said, trying to keep my heart inside of my chest.

"Huh, well why don't you just write another piece?" I stared at him in complete disbelief. He had to be kidding.
"Yesterday was hideous enough," I finally offered, wondering where the heck the secretary was and why he was suddenly talking to me. Did he know? Oh my... I couldn't bear the thought. There was no way he could know...was there? I gripped the arm rests of the chair, I could feel each punch of my heart in my chest. The panic was total, choking my air flow.
"Micheal, what are you doing here?" the secretary asked, finally returning.
"Oh, just dropping off my honors application," he said, half turning back to her.
"Okay then, better get back to class," she said firmly.
"Yeah," he nodded with a smile that threatened to knock me out of my chair. He looked at me one more time before walking out the door. My heart did not slow for several minutes.