False Pretense [15]

When I woke up I wasnt in the bathtub where I was hoping I would be. I was naked, and in Erics bed. Beside me was Brittany. How could she not care about what he was doing to me? Anyways, I looked to the other side of me, Eric wasnt there, but his clothes were. I hoped he wasnt running around naked. I began to shiver and I tried to roll quietly out of the bed. I managed to get out with my clothes on without making any noise. I should be a spy. I ran into the bathroom and debated about taking a shower. I wanted to shower beause I felt so dirty adn I hated it, but since the door didnt have a lock I dodnt know what would happen. I decided to take my chances, I slipped out of my clothes and got into the shower. The hot water pounded onto my back, it felt nice. I Look down and saw Brittany's shaving razor, I grabbed it and began taking it apart, then, I flushed the pieces quickly down the toilet. I turned down the cold water and let it pour down my face. I set my selected pieces i got from the shaver down on a soap holder. Since there was no soap in the shower, I comprised. I reached for the shampoo, taking off the cap I cleaned everywhere with it. Rinsing of the shampoo once again, I wielded the razor. I raised my wrist and made a slice at the top of the bright blue vein.  

I watched the deep slice give way to a crimson red. I let my arm hang down and withing seconds my hand filled up with blood. I relazed my fingers and observed the blood rush down to the porcelain sanctuary of the bottom of the tub. It turned pink as it blended with the water. I let outa sigh and continued to slice and dice. My next though had horrifyed me, I blamed my parents for what was happening to me now. Why did they have to die? Why did they have to leave. I cant explain what it feels like to lose a parent. Imagine the pain of your soul ripping away from the fragil strings that hold it to your body. Thats what it feels like. I held my wrist up against the wall and this time I cut deeper. I had lost so much blood I began to feel light headed, I set down the razor and examine my wrist. I put some pressure on it to stop the bleeding. After a couple minutes it stopped, but I was still scared. I couple minutes later, I finally got out of the shower. I felt relieved that Eric hadnt came in while I was showering, he never used protection when he did stuff to me and I would hate to be pregnant because of him. I loathed him.

I picked up my clothes off the bathroom floor and put them on. I grabbed the razor that I had used moments before and shoved it into my pocket. I ran into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I took the razor out and hid it, then I changed into some clean clothes. My room was mess, even though there wasnt anything to clean. I prayed for the Social Services to come and rescue me, I prayed for the world to end so I would be living here. I would rather be dead that live here in this....hell hole. I rummaged around in my black travel suitcase for my dolphin picture. I began to hate this picture, I told myself I would keep it forever to remind myself of this...experiance. But thinking about it now, I'll do anything to forget about it. The deathly silence between the voices in my head and the rest of the room was interrupted by a slam. Deep footsteps began to make their way towards my room. Thinking fast, I quickly reached for my razor and held it as a weapon. I would wait for him to get close to me before I struck out at him. I didnt want him to know I had a weapon. Eric busted through my door, he was high probably on cocaine. Great. He began stripping off his shirt and made his way towards me. I stood up and backed away from him, I avoided headed towards the corners. He rushed forward and locked onto my shirt. He pulled me and threw me to the ground, All the air left my lungs and I felt dizzy. He knelt down and with one hand held tightly to my throat. I didnt dare struggle. I remembered the razor, I brought my hand up to meet his neck but he caught my hand. He took the razor and laughed, he threw it to the side.

I struggeled all I could but it didnt do any good. He pulled at my pants, it didnt take them long to get them off. He stripped away his clothing and began eating me out. Once again I hated myself for acknowledging that it felt good. I tried to scream but he tightened his grip on my throat. I he moved his head up to my chest so he could stick himself inside me. I couldnt cross my legs or anything, I was helpless. With his free hand he stuck his hand inside of me as he let a gooey white liquid fall into my mouth. He forced me to swallow. I did all I could but I could fight him off. He was too strong. Eventually, he got his fill of me and left. I got up and cleaned up the mess. I looked around for the razor, I eventually found it. I put it up and curled into a ball in the corner. I refrained from cutting any more and from ripping our my hair and screaming. For now.