Unmitigated Asphyxiation

         I sometimes wonder when life begins... Not life in general but my life. Some people say life begins When you are conceived. Some people say life begins when You breath your first breath of cool air deep down into your virgin lungs.  I believe life begins on the event of your first long term memory.

      My life began on June swenty third of ninteen eighty eight. It was a normal day like any other day. Jason picked me up from school and brought me home. We cooked super, played a game and he gave me a bath and put me too bed. Jason is my moms boyfriend. He has lived with us for, well for a long time. I was only five so you will have to over look my memory. I heard mom come in. I was so excited to tell her about my day. She always came in, laid down on the bed and talked to me until i went to sleep. Tonight for some reason she got very unhappy. In the midst of our talking she just crumbled. I was only at the part about Jason and i playing a game when she picked me up started cyring and rocking me back and forth.

   "Oh baby, I am so sorry. So sorry." she cried for it seemed to be forever. She laid me down on the bed "You stay right there and dont you dare get up. I will be right back" she assured me. I heard her hit Jason. "Get out, Get out, Get out right now. You son of a Bitch." she screamed while slaming the door. She came back picked me back up in her arms and rocked me back and forth, for so long.

    "Go to sleep my little angel, and know I am so sorry." she picked my face up in her hands looked me in the eyes and said, " When you get up in the morning. You call Grammie. Don't do anything else berfore . Just call Grammie. Promise me Airabella."

  "I promise mommy. I love you goodnight." I yaned

    "I love you angel. I do now and always will. Never let anyone tell you diffrent." she said, as she kissed my head and gave me another huge hug.

        Woke up to my grammie throwing clothes in my face."Get up Airabella, get dressed. Hurry up." she was crying. 

       "Grammie, Why is everyone cying? Mommy cried all night last night and now you are crying. Whats wrong?"

         "Dont worry baby. Everything will be ok. You are going to be ok."

    Still not sure why everyone was crying. That was the last night I ever slept in my bedroom at home. Me and mom moved into grammie's house. I hated it there. Skweeky floors, chiped paint and smelled like death. I jsut keep replaying that night in my head trying to understand why mom and grammie was crying. Why we moved to grammies house and Why I hardly ever see mom anymore. She's around but not much. She is always crying and never gives me time. I use to know mom loved me but now I wonder. I mean I know that she loves me, but I keep trying to figure out what it is that keeps her off of my bed. That use to be her favorite palce. She and I laid on that bed for hours everyday. Making sheet tint castles and act like we were waitng on prince charming to free the princesses form there enchanted prison. We would sit on that bed and even just talk for hours. I dont think I could pay her to get on my bed now.

   Grammie and I have gotten closer than we ever where. Not like mom and me but good enough to make me feel loved. I think she has just gotten to old to be cool.

           "So sweet thing you want a ride to school?" asked Jake

Jake Bass, OH my God. I know he couldnt possible be talking to me. He is liKe the tuff silent type that never looks anyones way, much less mine. His hair hung about long enough to brush his shoulder, dark and silky. He wore it pulled back most of the time. those muscular arms and abbs could make a man turn gay. His tight jeans hugging his butt just to the extent that you hoped he would bend over. I know i am hearing things. Be cool, be cool.

      "Airabella, is my name. Not sweet thing." I nervouslly gatherd out of my mouth.

     "Ok, Airabella would you like a ride." he smiled

 His smile could melt a fire. Much less a fourteen year old never been kissed love deprived young heart.

       "Ok"           "Yeah, well hop in. Im going your way."

       "Ok kool" I said as I hopped in.

  Not sure what he seen in my lanky long arms and chicken legs. My hair napy form not caring to brush it while running late for school. Not even sure i brushed my teeth. Oh I hope i brushed my teeth. Oh well what am I thinking. He is just giving me a ride. Get real like someone as cool as Jake Bass  could or would ever like me.

      "SO" he said as i hopped out at school.

         "SO?" i looked with question in my eyes.

      "Maybe you need a ride home?"

         "Yeah, maybe"