I Crave You

I love to hate you.

To pass your name in vain.

To call you out in shame.

To blame the worst of life on you.

I can't get you out of my mind.

I want to fight with you.

I want to win.

I want to come out on top.

I want to hurt you.

I want to tell you I love you.

And that stupid ass ring.

I fucking hate you.

I don't give a damn about you.

But you know how much I like to lie.

You irk the living hell out of me.

Mostly because I can't ever get over you.

Even if I stop "liking" you, I always fucking come back.

You know it's true.

I'm always looking for a fight.

Or however I feel towards you at the time.

I fucking hate how much of a big deal you are to me.

To me.

I'm supposed to do better.

I have in society's eyes, done better.

So why the fuck are you still here?

Here, being in my head of course.

I crave you.

The rush you give me when you fight back.

I love it.

Maybe that’s the problem.

When we've loved each other, you never gave me that.

So I'm a little dysfunctional.

What the fuck else is new.

Oh, and as for the empathy thing, lets just say your bits on rape really fucking piss me off.

But that’s also nothing new.

I love the rush of anger, the challenge of a fight.

It only takes a little bit of egging on from me to get you going these days.

And I think I'm addicted.

Sick, right?

I'm not sure why I'm writing this.

Maybe to get it out of my head.

Even this is only half of one of the many stories we have.

Am I too presumptuous to say we?

Maybe I am.

Maybe I'm a fool.

I'm rash and illogical.

But that’s who I am.

I want you for you.

The raw, rude, angry you.

It's the you I've always wanted.

Yes, I want you to have some morals.

To respect people to a certain degree.

I want a lot of things from you.

But I came to terms with the fact that’s impossible.

Just like the fact that I'll never be married.

I'm too fickle for someone to love, I cause too much heartache.

In the way that I can't make up my mind.

You know what else is sick?
I smile as much from your angry "bashing" as I did from your love notes.

We're too much alike, y'know.

My twin.

This is all disgusting, in the way that’s it's straight from the heart.

You know how much I don't dig this kind of thing.

Take what you will from it.

Toss me aside cause I'm tiring, its cool.

Nothing I haven't done to you.

But I'm crazy.

You have to admit I'm never boring for too long.