The Note

Jess,

  I know this comes as a bit of a surprise, but I am sorry.  The truth is, I have been unhappy for quite awhile now, but there is nothing that can be done for me now.  You are an excellent mother to my three children, and I am sure it will be easier for you to move on without me.  I am truly sorry, and I realize that my actions will leave you penniless, since my insurance won't pay out for a suicide, but the truth is, I have already  done that for us, and I can't go on living with myself any longer.   You didn't really think I have been going to work everyday, do ya?  I'm sorry, but I lost my job three months ago, and you know my family's history with gambling.  I  love you and the kids very much, and I promised to do everything I could to provide for you, and to keep you happy, but I have failed, as a father anda husband, and I feel like it is time I made things right.  I can't say enough exactly how sorry I am, I just hope you can find it in your heart to do the one thing I could not...Forgive Me. 

                                                                                                   Forever in Your Heart,

                                                                                                                        James

He then proceeded to climb the ladder, up to where he had been planning to hang himself.  The rest of his family was downstairs, preparing to sit down for dinner together, the same as they have done, everyday for the last 12 years.  He just had a few things he had to finish in his office, before coming down, he had told his wife.  He didn't have any trouble sneaking the ladder upstairs, since the overhead light had went out, several days before then.  It was then, as he was sitting upon the ladder, changing the bulb, that he decided how he was going to do it. 

   He had already bought the rope, which he had fashioned into a noose, just like he had seen in the many western movies that he loved watching.  He had kept it hidden in the top drawer of  his desk,  where he knew Jess would never look, since this was his office, where he escaped to when he needed a break.  It was the one place he knew he could go to be alone, whenever he needed to think. He started to climb the ladder, ready to secure the rope to the anchored hook that he had picked up at the hardware store, when he was getting the rope.   The package said it would support up to 250 lbs, which was just about right, since he only weighed  195.  

   He started up the ladder, when he noticed the picture of his oldest daughter, Kaylie, staring at him from the wall on the other side of the ladder.  She was 12 going on 25, a little spitfire in the exact image of her mother.  She was one of the smartest kids in her class, and she was on several clubs at her middle school, including her yearbook committee and the cheerleading squad.  She had her mom's looks, and her dad's attitude.  He knew she would be fine, without him.

   As he kept climbing, he came across the picture of his youngest daughter, his middle child, Christina.  She was 10, but, unlike her sister, she  was more of the tomboy.  She was a fighter, and sometimes it seemed she was impervious to pain.  James remembered one time, when she was learning to ride her bike.  She wiped out in the driveway, causing her entire leg to be skinned up on the gravel.  She simply got up, brushed the loose gravel off her leg, and picked up her bike to continue on her way.  He knew she would be fine, without him.

   As he finally reached the top of the ladder, James secured the rope to the hook, tugging on it, so that he would be sure it could hold his weight.  He placed the noose around his neck, allowing the excess rope to hang down over his back.  He glanced over, noticing the picture of his only son, Alex, looking back at him from the wall.  Alex was almost 8, and one of the happiest kids he had ever known.  His smile was bright enough to light up even the darkest of rooms.  He was the world to James, and he couldn't imagine doing anything to hurt him.   All of a sudden, James felt a pain coming from his right eye, as a tear started to well up, and roll down his cheek.  He knew he couldn't do it.  Not now, probably not ever.  He grabbed the rope, ready to go join his family in the dining room, where they all were waiting for him.  As he started to pull the noose up over his head, the office door swung open, hitting the ladder, which knocked James off, right into the noose, which had been set up for his demise.  James could only hang there, his body limp and lifeless, gasping his final breaths, as Alex, still unaware of what had happened, asked, "Are you coming down for dinner, Daddy?"