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hottataneva101

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I cried until I couldn’t anymore, realizing what I had just done. I put the knife down beside me as my arm asked for more. More cutting, more blood, to see who cared enough to notice cuts on my arms. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it. I buried my face in my legs, holding myself, rocking back and forth losing all sanity left in me. My jeans started getting blood stained. They weren’t deep cuts, but enough to let blood flow. “Kassidy…” I heard a soft, disappointed, yet comforting voice whisper, sitting down beside me holding me. I didn’t even realize with all that I had been feeling that Jason was still there. It wasn’t a moment I was proudest of. I didn’t want him to be mad at me, I was too afraid of losing him. “Jason I didn’t mean to.” He quieted me before I could say anymore. He just sat there, holding me, not a single sound carried through the room that night. My parents stayed at a friends house because of flooding from a storm.

“Bacon and eggs?”  Jason said holding a plate of hot steamy food in front of me.  My eyes finally opened completely and I yawned.  “Yea.”  I said taking the play, leaning against my bed, sitting straight up, Indian style on the floor. He handed me a fork and I began eating.  He sat next to me with his own plate. “About last night Kassidy…can I ask why you did it?”  I sighed putting down the fork, running my hands through my hair. “Because of what happened, I had a re-run and I couldn’t control it. When I cut I feel a release that nothing else gives me, it releases me from the pain of remembering all of that stuff. As odd as it may sound.”  I looked down, disappointed in myself that I had down it. It had just hit me all that happened, and how proud I had been to have stopped. I remember celebrating one time. Buying some non alcoholic ‘Grap juice’ wine, and cheering to myself and for the future of cleanliness. Looks like that didn’t happen.  After we finished eating Jason said he really had to go because he needed to be back home. He said he’d get on the chat room so we could talk.

I really wasn’t prepared for when my parents came home. What would they say when they saw the cuts on my arm. Would they be angry…my dad probably would, he was like that. He had anger issues. Had, has, he always has had them. No wonder him and my half sister aren’t close. I finished eating breakfast and ran downstairs to rinse off the dishes and put up the food before the rents came home. What an exhausting day and it had only just begun. Besides the fact that school was beginning soon. Lord knows what more drama could happened in between now and that time.