The sweet life of Georgie. [3]

i am going to make number three the more thinking side to catch up to my part four


i had cut myself, she made me promise to stop. i wanted to kill myself, she couldnt leave me. after ali died my life turned into a living hell. she was and will  always be there for me for everything,
 i cared about her. i knew something was wrong, she cut herself in school… ALOT i didnt know what to do, shes was in so much pain, i wanted to help, i didnt want her to be alone. i tried so hard, but i dont think she trusted anyone, before i knew her, i had been suicidal, i thought about it alot and was planning on leaving. she saved me. she always cheered me up when i was depressed, i dont know what ill do without her.AND SHE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!


ive struggled with these thoughts on a daily basis.since i re-woke,i have had nothing but hell. for the past week (at least its felt like a week) i have been waking up and thinking about what i could have done to let her live, she was everything to me. every day, that fricking docter that acted coy, and like nothing was wrong, asks me how i am feeling. after he pried me for long enough i screamed at him "how the fuck do you think i feel? i lost my best friend, to my stupidity!" i rolled over and fell into a slumber. my parents decided long ago when i get enough feeling back in me i would be going to a safer place without stress, to were people go when ever they are bad, and in a bad condition, mentaly.i was ready to go, i got tired of people feeling sorry for me here. it was abusing me worse than i was abusing my self. i slept alot.i realized that ali, had died on valentines day. i promised my self that this would be her day, id never let my self live down what i caused, i would never accept peoples happyness, cherities or love. i would never love again. shed be mine even if i had to wait till death. i was in a mood the docters refered to as "post traumatic stress syndrom" which is wh i guess what would describe my new found hobby. cutting. everytime i cut, i relived my last moments with her.no matter what id do or live through, id never ever accept the word sorry, or i love you again..

George Macneil