Meds

Blue ones, green ones, big ones, small ones, hyperactive ones, lethargic ones.

Meds.

I’m stuck with them, they have me in their grip staring at me with invisible eyes willing me to take them again. The doctor said it was best if I did, he said it would make things better. He said it was best if I stuck to the routine.

Take pill, swallow, drink.

Take pill, swallow, drink.

Never room for choking the meds have me on auto-pilot living my life as an echo of the pills. Not really knowing anything anymore. Blank expressions and a worn out mind, the perfect remedy of a troubled past.

Waking up for real, my mind pulled out of mist as I stared into the bottom of an empty medicine bottle. Closing it I failed to register what I had just seen. Making my way to the bathroom, I felt as if I was pulling some heavy weight with my feet dragging them along unable to lift them. Getting ready, every time I blinked I seem to have lost five minutes into nothing wondering when I’d got dressed or had breakfast. Ready to leave I headed to the front door, knowing I’d forgotten something, but not sure what I closed the door locking it behind me and stumbling out into the street. Everything was so much louder. The world had seized to be the muffled curtain it had once been. Walking through crowds of people the atmosphere pounded on my head causing me to panic and twitch. People looked at me wityh great pity as I stopped staring aghast at the sky. I could see it coming towards us wanting to close in on the claustrophobic high street trapping us and crushing us. I kept the scream that wanted to get out in my throat knowing this wasn’t real. It was like the things I had seen before I’d got my prescriptions. I hadn’t got them since I had started taking pill after to pill. The claustrophobia was a distant memory of frightening times, why was it coming back to me now. I broke out into a run ignoring the pounding headache and blur spreading through my vision.

My heart screamed at me to stop unable to beat any faster, my lungs wanted air and grudgingly I accepted slowing down reluctantly to a pace that I could catch my breath. I spotted my destination the small rundown building that sold my coffee fix. I knew the owner well we had chattedon many occasions and she knew of my conditions. As I walked in she looked at me worriedly. “Baby, did you forget to take your meds?”

It all came back to me, the empty pills bottle and the hallucinations. “Yes" I whispered.

“Brian you promised”

“Sorry.”

I remember last time, standing at the top of that building, she had found me and made me pledge not to forget. Later that day walking back I could not focus on anything.

I was alone,
Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget.