The Land of Testrifficdor [2]

The search for Putsy continued in the forest outside of Aussieville. All the townsfolk took their torches and pitchforks with them, à la angry mob, and ran into the forest to find the dreaded, evil creature that murdered Aaron.

They found him in his little forest cabin raping a bound and gagged peach-colored care bear. Along the walls hung more chained female care bears of all colors, the stuffing taken out and disposed of. There was even a blue male care bear hanging off the ceiling on a noose.

“Oh shit! What now?” exclaimed Putsy, noticing the angry crowd of Aussies outside. He opened to door to inquire about the situation when he was grabbed, his pink and fluffy arms bound, and carried back to Aussieville. There, he was put on trial.

“For killing our beloved mayor Aaron…” began deputy mayor Christopher, (who appointed him deputy mayor, nobody knew) but Putsy interrupted.

“I didn’t murder your precious mayor! What are you cunts on about?” he screamed.

There was a murmur among the watching crowd, but it seems that the deputy mayor did not believe the pink care bear.

“You are sentenced to death!” screamed the deputy mayor to the roars of the Aussies. They have not seen a proper execution in a long, long time. The peasant lady Artemis was brought up onto the stage, for she was used in every execution in Aussieville history (the town wasn’t that old) due to her overwhelmingly large breasts. Putsy was placed in between the two large titties as Artemis squeezed them together in order to strangle the murderer.

“Is there a better way to die in all of Testrifficdor?” happily thought Putsy to himself in his last moments as his lungs were crushed between the enormous weight of Artemis’s breasts.

Meanwhile, back in America, Yanks and Natt were having coffee in Yanks’s apartment. Being from Britainford, Natt had never tasted coffee before and was delighted at finally being able to enjoy such a tasty drink.

“This is delicious!” exclaimed Natt in an American accent, for she decided that if she were to live here that she should abandon all her old ways.

“Yes, it is!” said Yanks. “Here in America, you can drink all the coffee you want, any time of the day!”

“What a great city!” Natt said, happily. “So Yanks, what have you been up to?”

“Oh nothing. I just came back from a long trip to Aussieville, that’s all.” Replied Yanks.

“What did you do in Aussieville,” asked Natt. Yanks picked up the TV remote and turned on his large, 72-inch flat screen TV. He flipped through channels until he found TBC (Testriffic Broadcasting Company). There on the screen was Deadpoet, reporting the news.

“I’m glad she found a new job!” said Yanks as he read the large headline that said Mayor Murdered in Aussieville. Pink Care Bear Blamed .Deadpoet began to report on the story.

“Today, the mayor of Aussieville, the beloved Aaron, was murdered. All clues point to Putsy, a pink care bear who dwells in the nearby forest and is known for raping and murdering (not necessarily in that order) other care bears, as the killer. His trial has taken place and he was found guilty and sentenced to death.”

The screen showed Putsy being killed between Artemis’s gargantuan breasts.

Natt wore an expression of pure shock on her face at seeing this news report.

“You didn’t…” she stammered at Yanks, reverting back to her British accent in her astonishment. Yanks just smiled and pointed toward the TV, where Deadpoet was now reporting other news.

“On a different note, America’s most influential Diplomat is negotiating with the Queen of Emos today. To help him with the negotiations, he has brought with him AlexINTJ as assistant negotiator and Dashboardlogic as his bodyguard. Let’s watch the negotiations now.”

On the screen, Thugnastay, also known by the nickname of Diplomat Doug, could be seen extending a hand to the Queen of Emos, who hissed violently and retreated. Thugnastay maintained his calm against these horrible, pale, razor-scratched creatures and took a seat at the negotiating table opposite an emo representative. Negotiations began, and after fifteen minutes, Thugnastay got up to go to the bathroom due to sever diarrhea brought on by the laxatives the emos had slipped into his glass of water, handing the lead role to AlexINTJ. As soon as she began to talk, heads began to explode in the emo audience, her big words and complicated sentences sizzling their brains into more mush than they already were. As the few emos who were smart enough to resist got up to stop this tragedy (if it could be considered so), and attack AlexINTJ, Dashboardlogic came in and scared them away by shouting random things like “Octopus” and “Your mamma’s a llama”. Soon the emos had dispersed, and so failed the negotiations. Thugnastay was still nowhere to be seen.

Back in the god-forsaken town of Britainford, Puffdaddypuff was still miserably sipping his tea and wishing for a better life outside the dreadful and gloomy place he had called home for all his life.