The Land of Testrifficdor [3]

It was the end of Natt’s first week in America, and Yanks decided to take her to the city’s public zoo. The two left the house, walking by the large statue of stitchchick on whose shoulder sat Godsbluejay, and arrived at the zoo about fifteen minutes later. They paid their fee to speederspider, who worked as the ticket lady at the zoo’s entrance, and continued through to go look at the zoo’s special exhibition titled Outcasts and Idiots.

The building where the exhibition was held was large and grand. Yanks and Natt went in, and the first thing on their right was a large hollow cave built into the wall and set off by a large glass pane. Through the glass, there was a large, white, yet very scary rabbit-looking-thing that was hopping around the cave, obviously trying to get attention from the crowd. Yanks and Natt walked over and read the little information card on the wall beside it.

This creature is known as BuNnYoo7, or simply Bunny. It lives deep the in the depths of outcastland with her hoard of angry, attention seeking pig-monkeys, also known as DeShannas.

Yanks and Natt looked at the hideous creature behind the glass. It stopped hopping up and down, and was now at the far left of the cave against the glass, scratching at it as Melly, editor of Testrifficdor’s famous pothead magazine The MaryJane, made faces at it. This was angering the creature in the cage, but it could do nothing and simply continued to hit the glass with its disfigured paws.

Moving onto the next animal, Natt and Yanks saw a rather gruesome sight. A near-dead being lay by the small puddle of water there for it to drink, its blindingly blonde hair sprawled on the sandy gravel the creature lay on. The creature looked a bit like an eyebrow-less Barbie doll. The light above it was very bright and so hot that it was almost impossible to touch your hand to the glass without being burnt. It seemed to be killing the not-so-poor creature, who was so ugly that many took one look at it and ran to vomit. Natt went to look at the info card.

This is a Sunloverz, a creature who is said to love sunlight very much, hence the name. It’s adaptation to such climates include blindingly bleached blonde hair, and skin as rough and dry as rhino hide. This creature dwells in the sunniest part of outcastland, usually somewhere in the desert. Sunloverz males are known to mate with their daughters or granddaughters, resulting in little genetic variation. Due to this, many are born deformed, such as this one, which has no eyebrows. The mother dies as soon as she lays eyes on her child. The reasons for this are unknown.

Natt took another look at the creature, muttered something that sounded like “ew, gross,” under her breath, and followed yanks to see the next animal on display.

Throughout their trip, Natt and Yanks saw a variety of creatures. They saw a Meanmarlboroma, who is said to have magical powers. They watched it desperately try magic itself out of its display, but to no avail. They also saw a Preston, who was curled up naked in a corner, crying to itself and screaming a name that sounded suspiciously like “Shawnie” while masturbating. A disturbing sight, Yanks and Natt moved quickly on to the next creature.

The final creature they laid eyes upon was a teeny little hobbit-like creature that was called an Rstegbauer. Natt nearly fainted when they were watching it get fed, as it pounced on the poor zookeeper, Sweetfoot, and began to rape him while clawing him to death. A sad sight to see it was, as the hideous monster continued to rape the zookeeper’s body long after it was already dead. Then, to prove to the world that it was a vampire, the Rstegbauer then plunged its fangs into the body, only to find that all the blood had drained out while it enjoyed sexy-time with the corpse. Disappointed, the creature crawled into its little log-shelter and hid from anyone who tried to sneak a peek at it.

They passed a final display with the label of Texacanpirate, but nobody in the zoo cared enough to take a look and walked right past it and out the doors. Only Krysti, the mayor of America, stopped by long enough to flip the creature off, then walking out again.

After such gruesome sights, Natt and Yanks went back home, ate a dinner of pizza, and went to bed.

Meanwhile, all the way in shitty little Britainford, Puffdaddypuff came back from a long day’s work of shoveling horse manure off the town’s cobbled streets (for you see, the people of Britainford still lived in the 19^th century), and lay down on his bed of hay with his cup of late-night tea. He fell asleep to thoughts of how miserable his life was there in god-forsaken Britainford.