The Land of Testrifficdor [4]

Later that week, all of America was riled up about the coming event. For the first time in many years, there would be a gladiator fight at the big arena in the center of the city. Gonzo the Great, Testrifficdor’s champion gladiator, was again busted for a DUI, and was put back into the America City Penitentiary. The only way he could win his freedom was by fighting in the Arena (which was the case for every prisoner, but many died of the poor conditions before they could decide on what to do).

Today, Gonzo the Great would be fighting a random slave taken in the War on Emos. Needless to say, Gonzo was confident that he would win this fight.

Yanks and Natt decided they wanted front row seats to the event, so they went extra early and got the best seats they could. Natt looked around. Directly across from them, on the other side of the arena, was a large throne meant for the Queen of Testrifficdor. Beside it was a lavish chair where Krysti, the mayor of America, already sat.

The arena was huge, and all of the residents of America could easily fit there with room to spare for any Aussies or Brits who wanted to travel many miles to see the event. They, of course, were forced to sit in the back, along with all the other Testrifficdorian outcasts. Puffdaddypuff found himself a seat all the way at the back of the arena. Sitting down, he was repulsed to find that he sat next to a rather large and ugly pig-monkey.

“Hello DeShanna,” he said. He didn’t know why he would talk to her. Pig-monkeys were known to be quite stupid. “I see you’ve been released from the zoo.”

“Bitch, no I haven’t! I never went to no zoo, nigga! That was that cunt BuNnYoo7, fo sho!” replied DeShanna.

“Oh,” said Puffdaddypuff. He was disgruntled now, for he came all the way to America from shitty little Britainford only to sit next to DeShanna. Oh well. It was better than being stuck in Britainford.

Just then, a voice came over the PA system. “All stand and welcome the Queen of Testrifficdor!”

Puffdaddypuff stood up so he could see. In marched Becky to the roars and cheers of the crowd, waving like a queen should. She sat in her large throne beside Krysti. She took the microphone that was lying on a little coffee table next to her and turned it on.

“LET THE GAMES BEGIN!” she shouted, and the crowd roared again. The gladiators were released onto the field below.

Gonzo came out wearing nothing but a loincloth to show his bravery in the arena and carried a large, spiked mace in his hand. He let out a roar like a lion, to the cheers of the crowd.

On the other side, the poor emo prisoner was released, and the crowd let out a loud gasp. That was no emo! That was Aaron!

Natt cheered in the stands, for she was very fond of Aaron, and didn’t notice Yanks’s expression of disbelief.

“Some evil emo must have taken Aaron prisoner and disguised someone else as Aaron!” thought Yanks. He must’ve killed the decoy!

Aaron stumbled into the arena, skinny and starved. Confused and blinded by the light, he put his hand to his forehead to shade his eyes. Looking around, he realized where he was, and donned a look of utmost horror at seeing Gonzo on the other side of the arena, flexing his muscles. What chance did skinny and starving Aaron have against the likes of Gonzo the Great?

There was only one thing he could try to save himself.

“Becky!!!” he yelled, jumping up and down and waving at the Queen. “Krysti!!! It’s me! Aaron! Mayor of Aussieville!!!!”

Neither took any notice, and the voice came over the PA once again.

“Gladiators, salute your queen!”

Gonzo did so proudly, but Aaron was too shocked to even move. How could Krysti and Becky not notice it was him?

“Ready! Set! Fight!” yelled the PA system, and the fight had begun. Gonzo rushed toward Aaron, wielding his mace high. Aaron, screaming like a little girl, ran for his life, but Gonzo was too fast for him. A quick swing of his mace, and Aaron went flying. The crowd cheered Gonzo on.

Aaron landed flat on the ground, facedown. Getting up, he saw Gonzo rushing at him again, and before he could run or scream, Aaron found himself underneath the mighty warrior, pinned to the ground. Gonzo held the poor Aussie down and raised his mace, looking up at Queen Becky for the signal to kill or spare.

Becky put her hand out as the crowd was chanting “Kill him! Kill him!” First with her thumb pointing sideways, she twisted her hand, giving Gonzo the thumbs-down, the signal to kill. With a whimper, Aaron prayed to the Aussie gods to spare him, but no answer came. Gonzo swung his mace down and Aaron’s brains splattered all over the sandy floor of the arena.

The crowd cheered as Gonzo ascended the steps to kneel before the Queen.

“I grant you your freedom!” yelled Becky for the whole stadium to hear, and everyone in the crowd yelled “Hooray!” except for Natt, who honestly wanted Aaron to win, and Artemis, who would no longer receive a higher status in Aussieville for being Aaron’s mistress.