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Boys vs. Girls [Intro]

New story comment and rate please
Creative Created on 5-19-09 Views(223) Story Rating G

My name is Chastity I may not be that popular, but I have great friends and what is better than that?  My friends are Maribel, Bailey, Derek, Kyle, and Blake. Maribel is really pretty and is going out with Derek. Bailey is also pretty and she is going out with Blake. And I am going out with Kyle.

“Where are the boys I haven’t seen them all day.” Bailey asked

“Maybe they are finishing their homework because they never do and they decided to get a D this time.” I said as we walked towards the bathroom.

“Yeah right they would never do their homework you have to think of reality.” Maribel said

“That’s true.” I said

“Oh, crap I forgot my make up bag in my locker.” Bailey remembered. So we went to get her makeup bag and there we saw the boys laughing we had no idea why, but we were very curious. So we went to her locker got her makeup bag and went outside to see what the boys were doing.

“Why are you guys laughing?” Bailey asked

“You will see.” Blake answered still cracking up

“Just come out on the grass and we will show you.” Derek directed us. We stood on the grass we saw Kyle nod to someone and they were all distance away we didn’t know what they were doing, so we kept looking. All the sudden the sprinklers went on so we ran off, but we were sunken wet. The boys started to crack up. We just went inside to hurry to the bathroom.

“Are we going to do something back?” Maribel asked

“No, we are not that immature.” I answered mad

            We went in the bathroom to blow dry ourselves off. Once we were all dry the bell rang so we opened the door and a big bucket of water fell on us and across the hall we saw the boys laughing. I said, “This means war.”

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On May 19th 2009 xxxshylaxxx Said: 
xxxshylaxxx It seems cute but I agree with Feeblequlq especially aout the spelling
On May 19th 2009 feebleglurg Said: 
feebleglurg I like the idea of the story, and the characters seem really interesting, but you need to work on your dialogue. Your characters jump from one idea to the other, and there's no continuity to their conversations. Also, please punch up your descriptiveness. I know it's easy to just say that they were lured out onto the lawn, but maybe you could describe it with a bit more force; really get the reader hooked--and that goes for everything, not just that scene. Detailed description is the best way to draw the reader into the story. P.S. Please watch your spelling (I know it's not important, but I'm OCD like that, so it just bugs me).
On May 19th 2009 atcarr Said: 
atcarr It sounds amazing, i really likee it
On May 19th 2009 animallover925 Said: 
animallover925 hmm it is good so far cant wait for more!
On May 19th 2009 kalenna4 Said: 
kalenna4 I love it its funny and good
On May 19th 2009 deadfire32 Said: 
deadfire32 its funny i like it
On May 19th 2009 coourt123 Said: 
my picture
write more me like it
On May 19th 2009 LittlKiraDemon Said: 
LittlKiraDemon lol it sounds cute :)